I can’t swallow. My throat’s too tight. “You call me Kitty.”
He calls me Kitty. Holy shit. I look at the files in the folder and try to count how many there are. He’s recorded dozens and dozens of dirty talking ear porn about me for months. I’m equally flattered, turned on, and super confused. “But you didn’t ever talk to me,” I whisper. “Even in Discord, you kept our conversations so general.”
“A mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”
I believe him. I wish Glitch had acted sooner. Shit, I wish I had acted sooner. I should have thrown myself out there but didn’t. I let my insecurities get in my way and keep me from going after what I wanted most.
This man.
I wish there was a way I could plug a wire between us and download everything about him. “What’s your real name?”
“Sean.”
My favorite name. I’m so not saying that out loud, because he’d probably never believe me, but Sean is my most favorite guy name in the world. What are the odds? “How did you get the name Glitch?”
“My sister gave me that when I was a kid. Every time I got too nervous or worked up about something, my brain would short-circuit. I couldn’t speak or think straight. She’d say I was glitching, and it stuck.”
I love it. “Can I meet her someday?”
“You can meet her today, if you want.”
Are we moving too fast? Or are we not moving fast enough? I can’t figure my shit out and anxiety starts to bubble in my belly.
Glitch sees it happen and acts fast. “Hey. Whoa.”
I don’t know why I’m freaking. I don’t know why I’m tearing up.
“Ara, look at me.”
He’s blurry because I’m about to cry.
Glitch cups my face and kisses my forehead. “We’ve got all the time in the world, Kitty. We don’t have to rush anything. You can meet her some other time. We dragged our feet, but we still made it to each other. I meant what I said in your studio. You’re mine.”
Annnd now I’m really crying. This is pathetic.
“Is that bad? Did I say something wrong?” He tilts my face so I’ll look at him. “Talk to me, Ara.”
I feel horrible already for what I’m about to say. “If I hadn’t been so stupid, I would have had you longer.” And not ever had to experience the nightmare of my last boyfriend. But I can’t say that part out loud. I don’t want Glitch to know how awful Jason was. I don’t want to ruin this new, shiny relationship with the ugliness of that jerk.
“Never call yourself stupid again, understand?”
I don’t react.
“Ara.” He dips his face to mine and holds my stare. “Never call yourself that again.”
I nod because I’m not sure I can speak. My mind is swarming with a million thoughts at once, and all of them are awful.
You’re lucky you found someone who’s willing to date you, Ara.
You’re so pathetic.
You call this art? A pig would be a better model than you. Look at yourself. You’re lucky I can see past your flaws. Who did you paint those nudes for, Ara? Your gaming buddies?
Why can’t you keep your hands off yourself? You’re a filthy fucking whore. A pig whore. You’re disgusting. It’s a good thing I love you because no one else will.
I see Glitch’s mouth move, but I’m not able to connect the words or process them because all I hear are the mean, awful things my exes have said about me. And Jason’s horrible voice makes my blood freeze when I remember him saying, “You only ever go online to be with those losers because you’re too stupid for real conversation. Those paint fumes go to your head, Ara? Be glad I have a real job so we can still go out and afford dinner when all you do is play with your paint all day. Maybe you should suck my dick to show how you appreciate having a real man.”
Suddenly, Glitch is smashing his mouth to mine. His smell, his taste, his touch, his control over me vanquishes every bad thought from my brain. Burns them with the heat of his desire and I’m left floating in the chair, breathless.
He eases back, worry forcing his brows to dig down. “What just happened?”
I don’t want to explain it. I don’t want to say. But I promised myself to not hold back with Glitch, and so far, so good. “I have a lot of insecurity.”
He doesn’t react. At. All.
“I’ve dated a lot of shitbags”
Still no reaction.
“I sometimes can’t keep their nasty words out of my head. It makes me panic or freeze, and I’m trying to not let them in because I don’t want to ruin what we have going, so I just freaked out a little bit and I swear I’ll do better. I just need a minute to reconfigure.”