I will not choose between them anymore. I won’t survive it.
Papa slowly steps back, gun still by his side. “I did what you said, now stop this madness.”
“Promise you won’t hurt him anymore.”
“I can’t do that after what he did to you.”
“That’s between him and me. You have no place to interfere. I’m not a kid anymore. And you hurt him enough for a lifetime. It’s time to stop it.”
He purses his lips but doesn’t say anything.
“Promise me, Papa.”
“Fine, I promise. Now, come here, Anoushka.”
I shake my head.
Creighton stares at me with the same fear he regarded me with when I was at the top of that cliff.
Only now, it’s so much more prominent that I taste it with sea salt.
“Drop the gun,” he whispers, voice strained.
“You asked me what I’d choose if you went head-to-head with my family again.” I dig the gun farther into my temple. “This is my answer, Creighton. I’d choose me.”
He struggles against Kolya’s hold, and when my father’s second-in-command pushes him down, he growls at Papa, “Let me the fuck go!”
Papa nods at his guard and when he releases him, Creighton all but runs in my direction.
I step back. “Don’t come any closer.”
He stops in his tracks, his body rigid, and it’s the first time I’ve seen him look so helpless.
“Anoushka, I already released him. Don’t do this.” Papa’s voice deepens. “Think of your mother, your brother. Me.”
“I can’t…” Tears stream down my face and I look at Creighton through blurry vision. “I can’t live knowing you’re full of rage and pain. I can’t live knowing you’ll always hate my parents, the same parents who gave me everything. I’d rather die than see that. Maybe if I do, you’ll finally let go of your grudge.”
“Listen to me, Annika.” His voice carries in the cold air like a whip. “You’re the only person who ever reached inside me, saw the ugly, rotten parts, but stayed anyway. You gave me yourself in spite of knowing how empty I am. You even filled me up with your endless energy, purple color, and fucking violets. I didn’t understand how you liked me when I didn’t like myself, how you fought to make me experience normal things despite my disinterest. When I found out the truth about my childhood, the only thing that broke me was knowing I couldn’t be with you anymore. And when you didn’t choose me and pulled that trigger, I became a bitter wanker with a death wish. I didn’t care what happened as long as I had you, which is why I brought you here. But I realize now that it wasn’t the right thing to do, which is why I chose to let you go. What you’re doing isn’t the right thing either. You might be able to live without me, but I won’t survive a day without you, so your death won’t solve any-fucking-thing. If you pull that trigger, mark my words, I will follow right after you.”
My fingers tremble as an onslaught of emotions overtakes me. “You’d rather die than let go of the past?”
“I would rather die than live without you.” His chest rises and falls with violent ferocity. “You don’t complete me, you’re a part of me. If you go, that’s not different than erasing me along with you.”
His words sink into the marrow of my bones and flow into my bloodstream. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Creighton. Neither of us has to die if you just promise to try and leave the past behind. For you. For me. For us.”
“Will you love me again if I do?”
A small smile grazes my lips as I lower the gun, place it in one of the guard’s hands and walk toward him with purposeful steps.
He meets me halfway, his strong hands wrapping around my waist as my arms circle his neck. “I never stopped loving you, silly.”
His eyes shutter slowly, and a long breath rips out of his chest. When he opens them again, they’re clear blue.
Resigned.
“You win, little purple.”
“I win?”
“All of me. My heart, body, and soul are yours. My grudge is also yours to do whatever you wish with.”
“Including moving past it?”
“Including that.” His hand falls on my hip and he strokes gently. “I lost to you a long time ago. I love you, Annika. I love you to the point I see darkness without you and light only when I’m with you. You’re my sanctuary and the one person who makes me whole.”