Well, fuck.
Am I that obvious?
“I like spending time with her. She’s the light I never thought I needed and the one person who can fill up the hollowness.”
“Ouch, I’m wounded. I thought filling up the hollowness was my role.”
“You’re empty yourself. How the fuck will you be able to fill up someone else?”
“By illusion?” He grins. “Jokes aside, you’re not hollow. You just had shitty biological parents, who I’m sure are rotting in the devil’s lair as we speak.”
I snicker.
“I take it you’re finally putting it behind you if you’re talking about it to your girl?”
Your girl.
I like the sound of that. In fact, I like it so much that I wish I could have him say it again and record it this time.
“I’ll never be over it,” I tell him. “I’ll have my revenge.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“You’re avenging those useless parents?”
“I’m avenging the three-year-old version of myself who was driven to the gates of hell.”
“And how the fuck do you intend to do that, genius? By taking a trip back in time? You can’t ask Mum and Dad. Not only will they not answer, but the last time you asked, Mum was depressed for an entire month, thinking she was doing something wrong. In her mind, you being interested in your past is in direct correlation with your birth parents, and if you want to know about them, it means she failed as a mother.”
“I won’t get Mum and Dad involved and neither will you. I have other methods.”
“Such as… Wait a fucking second, were you getting all mushy with Lan because of this?” His brow furrows. “You can’t trust that snake. Any action he takes is purely for self-serving purposes.”
“And you’re different because…”
“I’m you brother. I wouldn’t hurt you.”
I release a sigh. “I know. But let me have this, Eli. If I don’t, I’ll never find the closure I need. I’ll never be…whole.”
“Bloody hell. Mum would undoubtedly cry if she heard that.”
“Don’t ever mention this to her.” I stare at the wall. “I hate this part of me that’s unable to move on from the past, despite having Mum, Dad, and our whole family. I tried to leave it behind, but the demons never disappear.”
My brother remains silent, probably because he doesn’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about, but he’s still there for me, listening and offering a part of himself he never gives anyone.
And I’m grateful for that.
After a while, he inches closer. “What’s the information you gathered from that slimy fucker Lan?”
“He said I was born in the United States, in New York City, to be more specific. He’s currently searching for my birth last name and the circumstances that surrounded all that hell.”
“You could’ve hired a PI instead of relying on that snake.”
“I did, but all information about my past was wiped clean. Probably by Dad and our grandfathers.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised. They never liked to talk about your past. So in that case, how can Lan get his hands on the information concerning your past?”
“He said he had a hunch, that he won’t reveal yet, and he figured out another way to get information.”
“Sounds fishy.”
“Lan’s hunches are always right.”
“And always get those involved in deep shit.”
“I’ve come this far. It goes without saying that I’m ready to make some sacrifices.”
“Some are more than you can pay.”
“I’ll deal with those when they happen.”
He shakes his head, seeming absolutely displeased. Eli has always hated it whenever I put myself in an unfavorable position.
Always.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine,” I say.
“Who’s worried, you little shit? If you have the audacity to get hurt, I won’t let you live it down.”
A small smile grazes my lips.
He side-eyes me “Why are you smiling like a creep?”
“It’s weird how you hate everyone but have always refused to leave me alone.”
“Didn’t have a choice. When Mum and Dad shoved you in my face, I had two options, like you or kill you. I would’ve gone for the second one, but I figured that would be frowned upon by our parents, so I had no choice but to like you.”