For a moment, I was in a daze. I fought, but I couldn’t move. I screamed, but no sound left my mouth.
I woke up drenched in sweat, with my heart hammering in my chest. The stench of smoke permeated my nostrils and I couldn’t breathe.
It was as if those hands were back on my mouth again, asphyxiating me, stealing my air, and leaving me breathless.
I’ve been telling myself that it’s different this time. It’s not the same person or the same situation.
I chose this.
But maybe my subconscious has been telling me that I shouldn’t have done this.
Maybe Ava finding and stopping me is a sign to end this madness and to back out before it’s too late.
Maybe Lan won’t like the side I show him. Maybe he’ll be revolted.
“Cecy!”
“Yeah?” I shake myself out of my thoughts and focus on Ava’s frowning face.
“What’s wrong with you today?”
“I’m fine.” I start to force an awkward smile, then stop at the last minute because Ava would totally see through it.
Annika joins us after changing into fluffy pajamas, and the three of us lounge on the sofa. I made tea that no one but me is drinking. Annika prefers slurping apple juice from her purple cup.
She huddles up against Ava, who strokes stray hairs away from her face, and then they get busy talking about some fashion thing they read about.
Ava has always wanted someone she can share her beauty talks with. She couldn’t find that in me or Glyn, so Anni is sort of a godsend for her.
“How did you survive the boredom at the Heathens’ mansion last night?” she asks Anni.
“By FaceTiming you and fooling around on social media.”
“That’s my girl.” Ava pulls her closer to her side, grinning. “It still sucks that your brother had you under house arrest because there was a stupid initiation.”
My heartbeat picks up as vibrant memories of being at someone’s mercy flow through me.
I quickly chase them away before Ava gets a hint of my turbulent emotions that are more frequent than usual today.
“I know.” Annika sighs, toying with a fluffy bunny ear on her pajamas. “But it was a big event for the Heathens and Jer wouldn’t trust anyone but his guards to keep an eye on me while he was out doing what he does.”
“That still sucks. But anyway, did you get a glimpse of the action?” Ava asks with hearts in her eyes. She’s so transparent about enjoying anything adrenaline-induced and is completely hopeless in that department.
“Nope. I couldn’t see anything while I was locked up in my ivory tower. Even the balcony and window had to be closed at all times.”
“Yikes.”
“I know, but I heard from some of the guards that there was a hunt, like a literal one, where the Heathens’ members hunt the participants and inflict any type of violence they see fit.”
I shiver, tightening my grip on the teacup instead of scratching at the skin of my palms and entirely giving away my reaction.
Ava, however, claps her hands together. “Sounds so fun.”
That’s because you weren’t there. “What’s so fun about hurting people for pleasure?”
“They signed up for it, though. They could’ve not.” Ava waves me away.
“That doesn’t give the Heathens the right to torture people like that.”
“Yeah, yeah, Miss All Pretty Morals and Righteous Principles.” Ava rolls her eyes. “I swear you sound like a grandma sometimes. Scratch that. Nana is more fun than you.”
I scowl and she grins. “Still love you to death.”
Nice save. It’s impossible to be mad at Ava for more than a minute.
Anni smiles at me. “If it’s any consolation, I also think it’s wrong.”
“Then why can’t you stop it?”
“Are you joking? I can’t stop anything. Hell, I can’t even control my own life. All I’m capable of is watching from afar like a perfect spectator.” Her features fall before she quickly sobers up. “On the bright side, I didn’t feel lonely, because I talked to Ava.”
“Always here to serve.” My childhood friend squeezes her in a side hug.
“Hey, Anni,” I start. “I heard the Heathens’ members wear neon Halloween-like masks. Is that true?”
“I guess so, yeah. Look.” She pulls out her phone, scrolls, then shows me a picture on killian.carson’s IG account. It has the five neon-stitch masks with the caption:
Night of mischief.