And then his car revs down the road before I can snatch him out and make him one with the ground.
Cecily shrugs her shoulder, using my distraction to free herself of my hold. “I’m going back inside.”
I grab her by the elbow and wrench her around to face me. “Why don’t you tell me what type of rendezvous you had with Landon first?”
“There was no rendezvous. But if I’d told you he wanted to talk, you wouldn’t have believed me.”
“Why does he have to talk to you in the back of an alley? If there was really nothing, why did you have to sneak around?”
“Because of this!” She throws her hands in the air. “You become unhinged whenever his name is brought up, and I would rather not provoke this side of you if I can help it.”
“Meeting him in secret isn’t a solution, Cecily.”
“Would you rather I meet him in public?”
“I’d rather you don’t meet the fucker at all.”
She flinches at my harsh tone and I take a few calming breaths. “Would you like it if I met Maya behind your back?”
Her lips purse. “No.”
“See? Just like your mind goes to the worst at the thought of her, mine does, too, but ten times worse because you actually had feelings for him!”
Her lips twitch and her face becomes paler than her hair. “I… I didn’t mean to.”
“That doesn’t change the result.” I step forward, softening my tone as much as possible. “Is there something you’re hiding from me, Cecily?”
She gulps, a gentle hue covering her cheeks. “Why would you think that?”
“I just feel it.” I don’t have her fully, even in moments where she feels like she’s mine, it’s not complete somehow. I tried to ignore it at first, to trust her and compromise, as she likes to remind me.
But it’s impossible now.
A shard broke the reminder of my trust the moment I found out she was sneaking around to see Landon. Has it happened before?
Will it happen again?
Will I wake up one day and find out everything we have pales in comparison to the feelings she has for her precious fucking prince?
Cecily stares up at me with those big, bright eyes. “Do you promise not to be angry if I tell you?”
“Depends on what you tell me.”
“I can’t say it if you’re being like this.”
“So you’d rather keep me in the dark?”
“No. Hiding this bit of information has been eating me alive. I can’t hide it from you any longer.”
“Is it about Landon?”
She nods once. My blood goes icy cold.
“Are you cheating on me, Cecily?”
“What? No! You think I would have the mind to entertain being with anyone else after you came into my life?”
That should appease the frigidness inside me, but it doesn’t. Not even close. “Then what is it?”
“You look so scary right now.”
“Spell it out, Cecily.”
She swallows a few times, then stares at her feet before she focuses on me. “Remember that first time in the initiation?”
I nod.
“You asked me why I was there, and I never really gave you an answer. Back then, eh, you know I had a crush on Lan, right?”
“Who the fuck doesn’t?”
She takes my hand in hers, touching, stroking, soothing. “It was meaningless, I know that now, but back then, I didn’t, so when he asked me to go to the initiation on behalf of Creigh and get as much information about your mansion as I could, I did.”
I narrow my eyes. “So you’re his spy?”
“Were. Only that once, and I regretted it deeply after I knew he, well, used the information I gave him to start that fire. I swear I didn’t know or want to. I thought he only needed it for defense purposes. If he’d told me about his plan, I would’ve never helped him.”
I slide my forefinger against my thigh, up and down, up and down in a slow rhythm. My muscles lock and I feel so frigid, I’m surprised the blood doesn’t freeze in my veins.
“But you did help him. Is that why you showed up at the gate that day? Out of a sense of guilt?”
She shakes her head frantically. “I was worried about you. I really didn’t want you or anyone else to get hurt.”
“Guilt then.” I pull my hand from hers, my voice ice-cold. “What else have you done? What did you help your precious Landon with? Did he plant you as a spy by my side?”
“No! I would never do that to you.”