To my exquisite daughters: Thank you, Ellie, for your guidance, feedback, and encouragement （while you were working insane hours and planning a wedding）， which kept me strong; thank you, Carrie, for your sharp wit and intellect, and for helping me understand our family heritage in a much more enlightened way, through your （award-winning!） Stanford thesis. Every day I am dazzled by the women you have both become.
Heartfelt thanks to my loving sister Kiki for her astute edits and for being the family historian, so adept at keeping all our ancestors straight. To Johnny, for his support and steadiness, and for helping me remember our parents’ quips and quirks. To my nephew Jeff, a constant source of fun, who also revisited painful memories in service of honoring his mother, my sister Emily. To the always compassionate Clare Meyers, my primary source of Monahan lore, who was willing to relive a heartbreaking time in our lives. I am so blessed with family, both nuclear and extended.
A special shout-out to my BFF, Wendy Walker, for being there since day one of our careers and every time I have ever needed her, including while writing this book. David Kiernan, Jay’s partner in crime at Williams & Connolly, time traveled with me back to our days with Jay—from the night we all met to the day we said goodbye. And speaking of the night we met, thank you to Mark Levinstein, who recalled every detail of that epic party （some of which I couldn’t include）。
Needless to say, I am indebted to the incredible doctors in my life: Mark Pochapin and Felice Schnoll-Sussman were my therapists, my shoulders to cry on, my saviors. I owe you both so much. Along with Joe Ruggiero and Peter Allen, they were my walking medical textbooks and trusted guides through this complex, often terrifying journey.
Writing about huge societal issues that I’ve witnessed throughout my life requires a deep understanding and educated perspective. For this I am grateful for the extraordinary insight of Marianne Cooper, professor of sociology at Stanford. And I so appreciated the guidance of forensic psychiatrist Dr. Barbara Ziv, and also Robert Draper, who helped me sort through the morass that was the Iraq War.
Endless gratitude to my posse of pals who fielded countless calls and texts, and took so many walks down memory lane with me, with plenty of liquor nearby: Bob Peterson, Matt Lombardi, Lori Beecher, Lauren Osborn, Nicolla Hewitt, Brian Goldsmith, and Tony Maciulis. （If these walls could talk—oh wait, they just did.…） I couldn’t have done any of this without you. A big thank-you to Matthew Hiltzik, Mark Traub, Molly McGinnis, Kaye Foley, Jerry Cipriano, Lisa Licht, and Anne Sweeney for the memory-jogging and clarity.
To the network archivists, especially at NBC, who pulled hours and hours of footage without complaint: Joe Depierro and Art Hogan, you are my heroes. Susan Zirinsky got the ball rolling with Michele Crowe at the CBS News archives, while Michele Mustacchio at ABC News was so responsive and helpful. Matt Glassman, assistant news director at WRC, went way back into the vault of news stories past, as did the WTVJ crew. Many thanks to my mentors from CNN, Chris Curle and her late husband, Don Farmer, who gave me the confidence to pursue my dreams （Chris, I’m sorry I lost the thumb drive…twice）。 Thanks also to Gail Evans, Elissa Free, Lisa Napoli, and, of course, Guy Pepper, who supplied plenty of laughs during this whole process.
As for the other men in my life, I am indebted to my loyal and much-loved friends Kevin Goldman and Dave Price, whose steadfast support has seen me through so much, including this book. I greatly appreciate the time and attention taken by Carol Naggiar and Cheryl Gould, who read the manuscript so carefully. Thanks also to Brittany Jones-Cooper, Lisa Henricksson, and Jodi Kantor for their inspired feedback. To those who prefer to keep their contributions off the record, I will simply express my profound gratitude for the effort you put in.
Thank you to the women who launched this book: My literary agent, Suzanne Gluck of WME, who set me up for success and introduced me to Lucy; and my editor at Little, Brown, Judy Clain, who believed my story was worth telling and made sure we stayed on top of every deadline. Thanks also for the dedication of Karen Landry and Sabrina Callahan of Little, Brown. Much gratitude for the hard work of our intrepid fact-checker, Heather Samuelson, and for Carolyn Levin’s legal expertise. Thanks to Mario Pulice for his careful work on the jacket, and to Andrew Eccles, who always makes me look better than I deserve.
Finally, to the many, many extraordinary people I’ve had the privilege of working with and sharing my life with through the years—you have brought me immeasurable joy and comfort when I needed it most. In the immortal words of Debby Boone, “You light up my life.”