Finally, I can’t stand the pit in my stomach any longer.
“I have something to tell you,” I blurt out.
He sets down his fork and pushes his plate away for Martha. “You okay?”
No. Not even a little. It isn’t until right now that I realize I do care about Preston. Not only because we’ve been together so long. Not because of some sense of loyalty.
Cooper might draw out my “true self,” whatever the hell that even means, but Preston does exactly what I told Cooper the other night: He keeps me grounded. He’s a stable presence in my life. He knows this world, knows how to handle our parents, which is important in maintaining our sanity. Around him, I’m not a ball of anxiety and dread.
And what I’ve done to him isn’t fair.
I wait until Martha leaves the dining room before releasing a shaky breath.
Now or never.
“I kissed someone. A guy.”
He waits, watching me, as if I might say more.
I should. I will. This seemed the most expedient way to begin. Except now I’m regretting not waiting until we were somewhere more private. If his mother decides to walk in right now, I might not make it off the estate alive.
“Is that all?” Preston prompts.
“No. I mean, yeah. We only kissed, if that’s what you mean.” I bite my lip. Hard. “But I cheated on you.”
He gets up from his seat at the far end of the table and comes to sit beside me. “Do I know him?”
“No. Some local I met at a bar when I was out with Bonnie. It was a stupid thing to do. We were drinking and I wasn’t thinking and …” And I can’t help myself from softening the blow with another lie. I was going to tell him. Everything. Now, looking in his eyes, I can’t hurt him that way. He is taking it better than I expected, though. “I’m so sorry, Pres. You don’t deserve this. I was wrong and I have no excuse.”
“Babe,” he says, squeezing my hand. He smiles, almost amused. “I’m not mad.”
I blink. “You’re not?”
“Of course not. So you had too much to drink and kissed a townie. Welcome to your freshman year of college. Guess you learned a lesson about handling your liquor.”
Chuckling, he kisses the top of my head, then offers his hand to help me up from the table.
“How are you taking this so well?” I’m absolutely dumbfounded. Of all the ways I thought he might react, this wasn’t one of them.
He leads me out to the back veranda to sit on the porch swing, where the maid has already put out two glasses of iced tea. “Simple. I can see the big picture. You and I have a future together, Mackenzie. I’m not interested in throwing that away over some minor indiscretion. Are you?”
“Definitely not.” But I thought there’d be some groveling involved, at the very least.
“I’m glad you told me the truth. I’m not thrilled about what happened, but I understand, and I forgive you. Water under the bridge.” He hands me an iced tea. “Not too much sugar, just the way you like it.”
Okay, then.
For the rest of the afternoon, I expect Preston to pull away. To be cold, unhappy, even though he insisted he was fine.
But that isn’t the case at all. If anything, he’s more affectionate. This whole ordeal has only brought us closer together, which in a way makes me feel worse. I can’t say precisely how I would’ve handled it if the situations were reversed, but I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t have shrugged and said, “Water under the bridge.” I guess Preston is a better person than I am.
I need to follow his lead. Be better. Focus harder on our relationship. The big picture, as he’d phrased it.
So that night, when Cooper texts me, I’m ready for it. I’d been waiting all day, all evening, for him to reach out. I knew he would, and I know what I have to do.
Cooper: We should talk.
Me: There’s nothing to say.
Cooper: Let me come get you.
Me: I can’t. I told Preston about the kiss.
Cooper: And?
Me: He forgave me. I can’t see you anymore.
There’s a very long delay, nearly five minutes, before Cooper sends another message. By then, I’m on pins and needles, practically jumping out of my skin.
Cooper: Is that really what you want?
I stare miserably at the screen, a lump rising in my throat. Then I force myself to type.
Me: Yes. Goodbye, Cooper.
Part of me hates cutting him off so abruptly. It isn’t his fault that I messed up. But I can’t trust myself around him, and this is the decision I should have made weeks ago. I was stupid. I thought I could have him as a friend. I thought I could play both sides. Now, I’m choosing.