“It looked like a lot of fun, yeah,” she says. “Still early days though.” She shakes her head, and turns to me. “You guys know Ishita, right?”
“Yeah.” Aoife gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hey, Ishita.”
“Hi!” My voice comes out unnaturally high. Hani even cracks a smile at how strange it sounds. “Ummm … I’m excited for the, uh, pizza.”
The three of them fix us with another smile. They’re huddled so close together and haven’t opened themselves up to allow us into their circle. I don’t know if they will.
“Do you need a special kind of pizza, Maira?” Gemma asks. Her voice is dripping a kind of pity that’s tinted with cruelty. I want to steer Hani away from them. Away from this party. This is why I don’t come to these things.
Hani doesn’t budge from her position. She raises an eyebrow and says, “Don’t you need a special kind of pizza, Gemma? You’re a vegetarian. And Meg, you can’t even eat pizza, can you? Did you mention that to Dee?”
Meg, who has been quiet all this time, looks a little frightened at having been dragged in. Her eyes widen and she shakes her head.
“I ate before coming here,” her mousy voice declares.
“Well, I can find something gluten free for you anyway. I can ask Dee. I don’t mind; she won’t either.” Hani gives them a smile and says, “I’ll be back,” before taking my hand and leading me away from them.
“That was pretty skillful,” I whisper to her as we weave past more people. “But you know, you don’t—”
I cut myself off when I suddenly find myself blasted with the cool outside air. It’s almost summer but the weather obviously hasn’t picked up on that, because it’s still cold enough for you to need a coat. I don’t have one, but Hani doesn’t care as she marches us both into the dark back garden, toward a bench pushed against the fence.
She takes a seat, and I sit down beside her. The only thing illuminating this place is a sliver of light pouring in from the kitchen.
Hani lets out a deep sigh, and I know immediately that this night hasn’t been easy for her. Maybe it’s been even more difficult for her than it has been for me.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “This isn’t working.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” I joke. But Hani turns to give me a look that suggests that maybe she is breaking up with me.
“You wanted me to pretend to date you because it would get everybody to like you, but … I obviously can’t do it. Aisling doesn’t like you and she’s made sure everybody knows.”
“So that’s why everybody is acting the way they are? Because of me?” I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. This party is the way it is because I’m here. If I wasn’t, Hani would probably be out there laughing with her friends. Dancing with her friends. Eating with her friends. Having the time of her life. Because of me, she’s sitting here looking miserable.
“Because of Aisling. I don’t think this is going to work,” Hani says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
“You can,” I say. “I mean … more people already know who I am because of you. I’m sure some of them will vote for me.”
Hani turns to me with a small smile. I feel a flutter in my chest at the sight of it. After looking so sad the whole night, it’s nice to see her smile again. I’d almost forgotten how her smile illuminates her whole face.
“I never took you for an optimist,” she says.
“I’m definitely not an optimist,” I scoff. “I’m … an opportunist. And without you, I’m definitely not going to be Head Girl. With you, I at least have a chance. Plus, don’t you need me too? Or are you going to start holding auditions for a fake girlfriend that your friends don’t hate?”
Hani shakes her head again and for a moment I’m afraid she really is going to call the whole thing off. Then she says, “Yeah. Maybe … maybe this still has a shot. I don’t know.”
It’s not exactly a vote of confidence, but I guess it’s the best I can hope for during this disastrous party.
chapter nineteen
hani
WE DON’T LAST AT THE PARTY FOR A PARTICULARLY long time. Trying to ignore everyone’s snide remarks and side eye is pretty difficult when it’s all you’re dealing with. And Dee and Aisling don’t even acknowledge me the rest of the night—like I haven’t been their best friend for years.