“Why did you lie to Principal Gallagher about Ishita cheating from you? Why did you lie to me?” I ask.
“I didn’t—”
“Aisling.” I’m surprised at how even my voice sounds, though my heart is beating a million miles a minute. So fast that I’m surprised it hasn’t burst out of my chest.
Her expression finally changes from a glare to something softer. “I didn’t want to lose you. And neither did Dee.”
“So you planned it? Together?” My gaze goes from Aisling to Dee. Dee at least has the grace to look ashamed. Her head is bowed and she’s staring at the ground instead of meeting my gaze. Aisling is almost defiant, like she has no regrets. I suppose she probably doesn’t.
“We just saw what that girl was doing to you. She’s a bad influence on you.”
“I don’t understand.” I shake my head. “What was she doing to me? How was she a bad influence on me?”
“Well, it started when we all went to watch that movie together, and you told us about the two of you. Obviously you wouldn’t have decided you were bisexual if Ishita wasn’t in the picture,” Aisling starts. I clench my fingers into fists, trying to keep my anger and frustration inside myself. “Then, at the party you were weird. You spent the whole time hanging out with Ishita at the back and then left early with her.”
“We’ve barely hung out these past few weeks, since she came into the picture,” Dee adds. “It was like you were choosing her over us.”
“And she makes you different,” Aisling says. “Not yourself. I don’t know.”
I clench my fingers together so tightly that they dig into my skin painfully. Still, it helps keep the anger at bay.
“Ishita didn’t make me bisexual … that’s not how that works,” I say. “I came out to my parents ages ago. Not to you guys, because … because I was afraid you would act just like this. And … I was weird at the party because you made me feel like I didn’t fit in for not drinking. I guess I didn’t fit in. The thing is … Ishita doesn’t make me not myself. She makes me more myself than I ever have been with you guys. You don’t even call me by my real name.”
“What?! Maira’s a nickname!” Aisling sputters. “Like Deirdre is Dee, and I’m Ash sometimes.”
“Literally nobody has ever called you Ash,” I say. “And I’m Maira because neither of you have ever tried to learn how to pronounce my real name. I went with it because … because I wanted to be your friend. You know, my dad might lose the election because I kept letting you guys talk me into abandoning helping him. And … you couldn’t even get your parents to vote for him.”
I take a deep breath, letting some of my anger out with it. “I don’t know if any of this is worth it anymore.”
I don’t bother waiting for them to say anything more. I turn around and thunder down the stairs and out into the rain once more.
I should never have come here.
I should never have believed Aisling over Ishu.
I should never have let Ishu go.
I hope it’s not too late.
chapter forty-three
hani
I SPEND WAY TOO LONG DEBATING CALLING ISHU ON the bus home. On the one hand, all I want to do is tell her about everything that’s happened since the last time we spoke. About Abba and our fight, about how I might have lost him his election, about my guilt … and about Aisling and Dee.
But on the other hand, I keep thinking about what Abba told me yesterday. That I need to find a way to show her that I trust her. And I’m not sure if telling Aisling and Dee off is that. That’s not going to make her believe me.
I open up our fake dating guide for the millionth time, scrolling through our ridiculous rules. We’ve broken every single one of them. All this time we thought our fake dating plan was going exactly the way we wanted it to, but instead my friends were just manipulating us both. I wonder if there was any way that our fake dating plan would have actually gotten us what we wanted …
But of course, now I’m realizing that I’m glad I don’t have what I want. What I want is to be with Ishu. And maybe I can’t even have that anymore.
What Ishu wants …
My fingers pause scrolling through my phone. What Ishu wants is to be Head Girl. And with everyone at school believing she cheated, with Aisling and Dee completely against her, she must think she’s got no shot. But maybe I can help her win?
By the time I get home, I already have a plan forming in my mind. And it’s not that I think I can single-handedly get Ishu the win, but I know that I can help. That’s one of the reasons why Ishu and I started fake dating, after all.