“God, that bloody school,” Nik mumbles under her breath. “It’s always been a fucking nightmare, but somehow it’s gotten worse.”
“Hani stood up for me.” I don’t know why I tell Nik that when I’m still trying to hold onto my anger at Hani. But it’s getting increasingly difficult with her baking cupcakes and running up on stage to defend me in front of our entire year.
“God, I wonder why,” Nik says in the most exaggeratedly sarcastic voice possible.
“Shut up.”
“Look … Ishu … you don’t have to ever do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to run for Head Girl if that’s not what you want. And you don’t have to forgive Hani if that’s not what you want to do. I just … want to make sure you’re doing things for the right reasons. So, not because of Ammu and Abbu, and not because you don’t want to give you and Hani a proper shot.”
“That’s not why.” My voice sounds more defensive than I want it to, and I can almost see the knowing smile on Nik’s face.
“Okay, Ishu … whatever you say. I have to go. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah … I’m going to be fine.” And I try my best to sound fine, and not like I’m standing in an ugly green bathroom stall questioning everything.
chapter forty-seven
hani
WHISPERS FOLLOW ME THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THE school day. I’m not sure if I’ve actually done much to help Ishu, or if I’ve just made things worse. But the worst part of everything is that I can’t even find Ishu anywhere. She’s obviously still avoiding me, and I’m not sure if I can even blame her. I go through the rest of the school day with my head bent down low, buried in my books.
When the final bell rings at the end of the day, I couldn’t be happier. I rush to my locker before hurrying out of the school gates, like putting distance between me and the school building will somehow solve all my problems.
Still, somehow, Aisling and Dee manage to beat me to the gates. They’re both waiting for me, their eyes boring into me.
“Maira, what the hell was that today?” Aisling asks as soon as I’m within earshot.
“I can’t believe you would stand up in front of our entire year and accuse Aisling of—”
“The truth?” I cut Dee off before she has a chance to finish. “It’s not an accusation if it’s the truth.” Shooting them both glares, I attempt to push past, but there’s two of them and only one of me.
“Are you seriously going to do this over one fight?” Dee asks.
“It wasn’t one—” I start, but Aisling cuts me off.
“I’m sorry.” Those words that I thought I’d never hear out of Aisling’s lips slip right out. I stop in my tracks to take her in. She has her head bent down low and she’s speaking slowly, as if this is all incredibly painful for her to say. Even Dee is looking at Aisling with wide eyes, so this must be unplanned.
“You’re sorry?” I scoff. “For what?”
“I’m sorry for … well, all of it, I guess. I shouldn’t have …”
Aisling sighs. “I shouldn’t have been so judgy of you for being gay—”
“Bisexual.”
“Bisexual, yes. And … I shouldn’t have been … jealous of Ishita.”
“That’s why you did all of this? Jealousy?” I ask.
Aisling shrugs. “We’ve been friends since primary school … I just didn’t want to lose you.”
I nod slowly. “You’re going to apologize to Ishu?”
“Are we friends again?” Aisling finally meets my gaze. There’s so much hope in her eyes, but none of it makes me feel anything. How can I ever trust her again, after everything she’s lied about? Everything she’s done?
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I need … time.”
She glances at Dee instead of me. “I can’t believe you won’t even accept my apology. I don’t know what you want from me!” She exclaims.
“I want you to give me time,” I say. “Everything you’ve done … it’s a lot, Aisling. It’s a lot to forgive.”
“It was a mistake,” Dee says. “Aisling regrets it.”
“How are lying and manipulating mistakes?” I ask. “And I’m not the only one who needs an apology. You know that.”
Aisling chews on her lips. It’s the most nervous I’ve ever seen her, I think. The most human I have seen her in a very long time. Then, she shakes her head.