He says bagels in an American accent and I come very close to spitting out my first sip of hot chocolate. Thank God I manage to keep it in my mouth, though, because it’s glorious. “Wow. Gabe had this in his cabinet?”
“No, I found some chocolate bars and melted them down on the stove. Added milk.” He watches my mouth drop open. “You think I’m useless for anything but fucking, don’t you?”
It appears I’m not going to be able to drink this hot chocolate without choking. “That’s not true at all. I’m just in awe of your initiative.” I squint out at the slightly overgrown yard. “Although, I guess I shouldn’t be. The three of you have shown so much of it.”
“You’re a powerful motivator, Elise.”
The even thrum in my veins is no longer quite so steady. Not when his blue gaze travels over the tumble of my hair with open adoration. I have the urge to go sit in his lap, but we would end up kissing. We’d be in the bedroom before I knew what was happening—and I really want to use this time alone to find out more about him. So I stay put.
“You said your upbringing was modest. What was it like?”
Tobias’s gaze zeroes in on mine and narrows. Almost like he’s surprised that I’m asking about his life before he started acting in adult films. As I’m sitting patiently, waiting for him to answer, it occurs to me that maybe no one ever asks about his background without bringing up his profession. It must take up so much air. “Well…” he says slowly. “My father drove a school bus. My mother ran a nursery school out of the house.”
“Like…daycare?”
“I suppose that’s what you’d call it. She minded children.” He takes a long sip from his mug and takes his time swallowing, as if he hasn’t thought of the distant past in a while. “Sometimes I helped out.”
I concentrate on keeping my features schooled, but it is a challenge and a half. “You helped out watching children?”
“Yes.” Even Tobias looks somewhat incredulous over this revelation. “I mean, I didn’t change nappies or anything, but I brought them to the park if my mother needed a smoke. They walked behind me, two by two, holding hands.” The fondness in his expression fades gradually. He taps a finger against the side of his hot chocolate. “It must be a great story now. For them to tell at parties. Tobias Atwater used to walk me to the park. I’m sure it gets a laugh.”
There’s a prolonged pang in my ribcage. “Maybe they do tell the story. I hope so. You deserve to be thought of as more than who you were for twenty-minute intervals on camera. Because you are. A lot more.”
He sniffs. Throws his ankle up onto the opposite knee. “Forty-minute intervals.”
“My apologies,” I say, lips twitching. “So, did you push them on the swings?”
“Of course,” he responds, offended. “Looked out for playground bullies, too. There’s always one.”
“Do you like children?”
“I like them for other people.” It’s an off-handed comment, but as soon as he says it out loud, his face becomes stone cold serious. “Do you want kids, love?”
I take a deep inhale and let it out, seriously considering the question. “I’ve never thought about it before. I’ve been too busy figuring myself out. But…I’m leaning toward no. When I think about having kids, it’s only my parents that come to mind. I’d be doing it mainly for them.”
Tobias continues to study me. “I’d say Banks feels the same as me. But I’m not sure about Gabe. He strikes me as a traditionalist.” He hums. “We can get him a dog.”
That does it.
I spit hot chocolate all over Gabe’s fleece.
Tobias’s laughter fills the backyard, the sound lacking in all artifice. It’s pure and real and I realize I’ve never heard it like that before. Well worth the cost of replacing the coziest article of clothing in Gabe’s closet. “Look what you made me do!”
He’s swiping at his eyes. “I was serious about the dog. He’s the bulldog type. I know it.”
“Stop making fun of your brother.”
“He’s the favorite. It’s only fair that I get to take the piss once in a while.”
“I don’t have a favorite,” I say, looking him in the eye. “I just…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I just have this weird…sense. When it comes to…”