I came from the worst part of town and everyone knew it. The kids in my neighborhood who were just as poor as me slowly began to dwindle. A lot of them followed in the same sad footsteps as their parents, turning to drugs. I never felt part of that crowd because I did whatever I could to be the exact opposite of my mother and the people like her.
It didn’t matter at school, though. Natalie was my only friend until I joined the volleyball team as a freshman. A few of the girls on the team accepted me, especially after I became the best one on the team, but most of them resented me. They still treated me like I was less than them. And it wasn’t necessarily typical bullying. No name-calling, or being shoved around in the hallways. I think I might have been too intimidating to some of them to be bullied.
I would have fought back and they knew it.
It was more that I was avoided. Ignored. I was never included in anything. I’m sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that I was one of the few in my school who had no cell phone, no laptop, no home phone. No means of connecting outside of school hours, and that can be socially detrimental for anyone these days. Or maybe that’s just my way of excusing being excluded for the better part of six years.
It’s hard not to grow bitter when you spend so much time alone. It’s especially hard not to grow bitter at class systems and people with money, because the richer they were, the more it seemed I didn’t exist to them.
Which is why being here on this beach with the type of people I’m sure I would have been invisible to in high school is hard for me. I want to believe Sara would have treated me the same as she does now had I known her in high school. The more I get to know her, the less I see her as someone who would be intentionally shitty to anyone.
And Samson. How did he treat the underdogs?
Not everyone who had money was an asshole in my high school, but enough of them were that I think I might have just lumped them all together. Part of me wonders if things would have been different if I would have tried harder. Opened up more. Would I have been accepted?
Maybe the only reason I wasn’t accepted is because I didn’t want to be. It was easier to stay to myself. I had Natalie when I needed her, but she had a cell phone and other friends that kept her busy, so we weren’t inseparable. I can’t even say we were best friends.
I just know that I never did things like this. I never hung out in groups with people. When I was old enough to get a job, I worked as much as I possibly could. So bonfires and cookouts and spending time with people my own age is foreign to me. I’m trying to find a way to be at ease in this crowd, but it’s going to take time. I’ve spent a lot of years becoming the person I am. It’s hard to change who you are in a span of a few days.
There are about eight people around the campfire, but none of them are Samson. He came down and grabbed a burger, but then went back to his house after he ate. The only two I know are Sara and Marcos, but they’re sitting across from me, the fire separating us. I don’t think they know the other people here all that well, either. I heard Marcos ask one of the guys where he’s from.
This must be a beach thing. Hanging out with random people you barely know. Strangers gathering around a fire, asking one another superficial questions until they’re drunk enough to pretend they’ve known each other their whole lives.
I think Sara can tell I’m folding in on myself. She walks over and sits down next to me. Pepper Jack Cheese is lying in the sand next to my chair. Sara looks down at the dog and scratches him on the head.
“Where’d you find this thing?”
“He followed me home earlier.”
“Have you named him yet?”
“Pepper Jack Cheese.”
She looks at me. “Seriously?”
I shrug.
“I kinda like it. We should give him a bath later. We have an outdoor shower on the stilt level.”
“You think your mom would let me keep him?”
“Not in the house, but we could make him a spot outside. She probably won’t even notice, honestly. They’re barely here.”
I’ve noticed that. They both get home late and tend to go to bed soon after. They leave early in the morning. “Why are they gone so much?”
“They both work in Houston. Traffic is terrible, so they eat dinner together in the city on weeknights so they don’t have to fight it. But they take off Fridays during the summer, so they both have three-day weekends.”
“Why do they even bother driving here Monday through Thursday? Isn’t their main house in Houston?”