“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. He turns and pushes the wet hair off his forehead.
“For what?”
“For putting you in this position. For expecting you to keep secrets when I don’t tell you any of mine.”
“You never asked me not to tell anyone. You just asked me not to call the police.”
He wipes his hand over his face and leans back into the stream of water. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No.”
“Are you going to?”
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“I’d rather it stay between us,” he says.
I silently agree. It’s not that hard for me to keep secrets. I’m a pro at it.
I kind of like that Samson is a closed book. You can’t really dislike a book you haven’t read yet. But I think I’m able to be patient with him because he told me he’d eventually tell me all his truths. Otherwise, I might not find him worth the effort.
“I feel like there’s more to the story with Rake,” I say. “Will you explain it with all the other answers you owe me on August second?”
He nods. “Yeah. I’ll tell you then.”
“I’m going to start keeping a list of all the questions I want answers to.”
His lip twitches, like I amuse him. “And I’ll answer them all on August second.”
I take a step toward him. “You promise?”
“I swear.”
I lift one of his hands. He’s got dirt beneath all his fingernails. “Did you dig up all of it?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re sure it was Rake?”
“Positive.”
He looks and sounds exhausted. Maybe even sad. I really do think Rake was a bigger part of his life than he’s letting on. I glance at his necklace, then look back at his face. He’s staring down at me, the small streams of water sliding down his face.
My clothes are starting to get wet from the spray, so I take off my shirt and toss it over the wall of the shower. I leave on my shorts and bikini top and help Samson clean his fingernails. He stands patiently as I get all the dirt out from beneath each nail and then wash his hands with soap.
When I’m finished, Samson pulls on my hand and tugs me until I’m standing under the water with him. He kisses me, and I move with him as he backs himself against the wall, pulling me out of the stream of water.
It’s a lazy kiss. His hands are resting on my hips while he leans against the wall of the shower and lets me direct the moment.
I lean against him, pressing my breasts against his bare chest, wrapping my left hand around the back of his neck. I shouldn’t have told Sara it was a depressing kiss. That’s such a terrible description of what this is.
Durable is a better word.
All of our kisses feel important, like they’ll stay with me forever. They aren’t small displays of affection that happen in passing. There’s something bigger behind them than attraction. Right now that bigger thing is sadness, and I want to take that away from him, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
I drag my right hand down his chest until my fingers meet the elastic band of his shorts. I dip my hand inside, and right when I do, Samson inhales sharply. We stop kissing while I touch him for the first time. His eyes are focused hard on mine, like he’s silently saying I don’t have to do this, but also begging me not to stop.
I wrap my hand firmly around him and his head falls back with a sigh. “Beyah,” he whispers.
I kiss his neck and slowly begin to move my hand up and down the length of him. There’s more to him than there was to Dakota. It doesn’t surprise me. There’s more to Samson in almost every aspect compared to anyone else I know.
I use my left hand to lower his shorts enough so that he’s not confined inside them. We stand in this position for a couple of minutes, at least. Me touching him. Samson breathing heavier and deeper, gripping my hips tighter with every stroke. I watch his face the whole time, unable to look away. Sometimes he looks at me and other times he squeezes his eyes shut like it’s all too much.
When he begins to clench all the muscles in his body, he suddenly brings a hand up to my hair and pulls gently, tilting my head back so that his mouth can fit against mine. He takes two quick steps, pushing me against the opposite shower wall while he kisses me with more strength than every other kiss that came before this one.
My hand is still gripping him, and it’s like he can’t even breathe and kiss me at the same time because he breaks apart and presses the side of his head to the side of mine. His mouth is over my ear when he breathes out a guttural, “Fuck.”