It doesn’t take a psychologist to know I’m the issue. My insecurities are the issue. If I couldn’t make a small-town woman—who was my age and desperately wanted me—happy, how the hell can I make a woman like Willa happy?
When Talia left, it was a blow to my ego. I wish I could say I missed her, but it was more about the fact she chose other men over me. That I lost somehow. That I didn’t measure up. My heart wasn’t in it, but I tried my ass off anyway.
But with Willa, my heart is in it. I don’t want it to be, but it is.
God, I tried so hard to dislike her, because liking her would lead to enjoying her. And after weeks stuck in the same house, watching her be the closest thing my son has ever had to a real mother, I’m worried enjoying her has turned into caring about her.
And I have no clue what to do with that. I’ve never properly loved a woman before. Never wanted one like this.
“I’ll give her one more chance at water!” Rhett calls as he stalks away with a bucket.
“Thanks!” I mumble back before letting out a ragged sigh and checking inside my truck. Luke is already asleep in the air-conditioned cab. Clearly, the excitement of the day caught up with him. Willa always keeps him so active that he’s dog-tired at the end of the day.
Willa is too good to us.
“You were killer out there today.” Jasper leans against the side of my trailer, staring at me with a small smirk on his lips. “Didn’t even look that old from where I was sitting.”
I shake my head. “Just wait until you start sucking at hockey. I have so many old-man jokes stocked away for you. And for Beau, when he finally retires.”
“You heard from him?” Jasper asks, looking hopeful.
“Nah. Nothing lately. Wish I knew where that doofus was.”
“Yeah. Not knowing is the worst part.” We share an anxious look. Sending Beau away never gets any easier on any of us. My dad included.
“You’re really dumb, you know?” His eyes flit up as he rapidly changes the topic of conversation.
I scoff. “Is this the opening line of another old-man joke?”
“Not unless getting older means sending away one of the best things that’s ever happened to you with another man who isn’t too dumb to see it.”
I feel the tightness in my chest and the ache at the back of my throat. I don’t know if that ache means I’m angry, sad, or if it’s just the spot where all the words I want to say get caught in a stranglehold.
“Got something to say, Jasper?”
His head tilts, his blue eyes taking on a slightly vicious expression. The one I only get a peek of from behind his goalie mask. The one that made me want to get up at five a.m. and drive his pimply teenaged ass to practices, because a man with a look like that in his eye doesn’t lose.
He was special and I knew it.
I needed another sibling to take care of like I needed a hole in the head, but Jasper was meant to be with us, not his shit parents. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“The only thing I’m going to say is that you’ve spent the last, what, thirty years making sure everyone else is happy? You’ve been dutiful beyond compare. Reliable. Selfless. Responsible. You deserve to be happy too, Cade.”
Responsible. That word follows me around like the plague. It haunts my dreams at night.
Fucking responsible.
He turns his massive frame and ambles away to whatever fancy SUV he drives now.
“You coming to the reunion?” I call out, not totally sure what to say to him. The guy is quiet all the time and then hits me with that shit.
“Wouldn’t miss it!” he calls back without even looking at me.
“You roping?”
He lets out a deep, amused hum. “Nope, I would never do that.”
Every year he refuses to admit that he’s going to rope. Something about riding horses being not allowed in his contract. Along with motorbikes, sky diving, and using fireworks.
But every year, I saddle him a horse, and every year he gets on. No one talks about it, but the kid can still throw one hell of a lasso.
Rhett waters Blueberry and then gives her a kind pat. “Way to show up the fancy horses, Blue. That’s the Eaton way.”
I watch through the window of my trailer, but Rhett catches me. “You’re lucky she tolerates you.” He chucks his chin at me as he says it.
“Blue?” I ask.
My brother shakes his head and turns away to toss the bucket of water out of the trailer while I latch up the doors. I’m still waiting for him to respond to my question but the asshole doesn’t.