He says, cautiously, “I can kiss something else.”
My embarrassed laughter comes out as a squeal. “Theo! Do not phrase it like that!”
“I phrased it that way for a reason?”
“I swear to God!”
“Don’t bring Him into this!”
But we’re both giggling, and his hands push under my shirt and find the edge of my sports bra and get under that too. He kisses my not-torn cheek, the crook of my jaw, all the way down my neck. He gets to the dip of my collarbone, I unzip my jacket for him. The quiet noise he makes when he gets to the soft skin of my shoulder makes me brace myself on the pew.
It’s just like it used to be.
“Your…，” Theo mumbles against me, fingers winding through my belt loops.
“Cargo shorts.” I bite down a laugh as I fumble with the button. “How sexy of me.”
He snorts. “I put up with a lot for the sake of being into men.”
Men. I’m a man. Theo has seen me as a man from the moment I told him. I’ve always been his boyfriend, his fiancé, his future husband. Always Benjamin. Always me.
All that gets reduced to an elegant, “Gayyy.”
“That’s kind of the point,” Theo says.
He kneels on the dirty carpet between my knees, and I missed this, I needed this, Jesus, I needed him.
* * *
“Let me do something for you,” I insist afterward, even though I couldn’t move if I tried.
Theo pulls a pack of ancient tissues out of his pocket, which means he planned this, and I don’t have the energy to be annoyed. I just wrestle my ass back into my pants and stare up at the ceiling of the church, where the ribs arch up toward the spine.
“Nope,” he says. “Don’t even think about it.” He climbs up off the floor to sit beside me. “Been a while?”
“I can’t believe you—”
He brandishes the used tissue like a weapon. I yelp and throw my hands up.
“Still you, remember?” he says.
Still me. “Yeah, whatever.”
The church is beautiful at night. The Grace rustles gently, all their eyes half closed as if trying to catch the smallest snippet of rest; night wind blows in through the destroyed front doors; the barest streams of moonlight shine through the stained glass windows.
I can’t stay long. There’s no telling what will happen tomorrow, considering what Nick and I said to each other. At the very least, I need a few hours of sleep to tackle the inevitable shit show.
“Help me up,” I plead.
Theo pulls me so that as soon as I’m on my feet, I’m against his chest. He doesn’t waste a second in wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his face to my shoulder.
“I almost feel bad the Grace had to watch,” he says. “Almost.” I laugh into his neck, right where I come up to on him. “Call it payback for making me puke my guts out.”
Theo has no idea what it’s like to puke your guts out. Not like I do.
“It’s late,” I murmur against him. “I should head out.”
Theo snorts. “C’mon, you’re gonna leave after that?”
I nudge him, almost knocking the two of us off-balance, but it does make him let me go. “You want me to stay and cuddle? Look, as much as I’d love it, I have to get back before somebody notices I’m gone.”
“Do they have nightly check-ins? Like a hospital?”