“Affection. I feel . . .” She licked her lips. “I care for you.” It was the best she could do, but the way Cort’s face fell told her it was not enough. Her choice of words was all wrong, and she didn’t have the wherewithal to figure out the appropriate thing to say at this moment. Every fiber of her physical being hurt. And now, seeing the way Cort looked at her, as if she’d torn out his heart, her emotional being had nothing else to give either.
“You care for me,” he repeated. “How fucking lucky of me.”
The monitors began to slow, his pulse regulating. “And if you hadn’t seen me the night before? Would you have killed me?”
“No, I would have killed Attah.”
He shook his head at her response. It wasn’t good enough. “But if Attah wasn’t there? If it was just me and you hadn’t seen me the night before or saved Peach from those assholes, would you have killed me?”
She waited a long beat. If there was any time to lie, it was now. But Cort didn’t deserve lies. He had earned the truth.
“Yes,” she whispered, forcing herself to hold his gaze. “It would have been business as usual.”
She laid her hand lightly on his arm, the need to explain overwhelming. “But fate saw differently. Does that count for anything? You care for me, too, Cort. Can you get past my omissions of truth? Can you take me as I am? There will be no more secrets between us. You know it all.”
It was an eternity before he answered. He considered her, and in his look, she saw what she’d seen on the beach. The space behind her eyes felt hot, and her vision blurred.
“Is that what you believe? That I only cared about you? The word’s love, Nena. Love. As in I love you.”
Her heart thundered in her chest, its beats tripling. For a second it looked like he might be able to see past it all. To see what she’d become, not what she used to be.
“But all of this,” he continued. “What you nearly did to me . . . what you do . . . it’s too much.” The crestfallen expression on his face dammed her flow of happiness and hope. Cort wasn’t like the dad in Pet Sematary. He wouldn’t take Nena in whatever capacity he could have her. And the realization was crushing. Of all the things Nena had overcome, would this be what broke her?
“Please.” It was the closest thing she could say aloud to the I love you playing on repeat in her mind. If only the words would come out. Then maybe he’d see how much he meant to her.
His face mirrored her heartbreak. “Your world and mine are too different. We believe in different things, Nena. How can I reconcile that? I’m bound to uphold the law. And you are the antithesis of everything I’m supposed to believe in. But you made me believe in you. And you made me . . .”
His eyes were glassy, though Nena couldn’t really tell through her own. She willed herself to stand firm. She knew there could be no other outcome than this.
“You made me love you. Made me think I had another chance.”
She held her breath.
“But I don’t think I can do this,” he finished.
Georgia was waiting for Nena when she left Cort’s room, gently closing the door behind her. Georgia was a mess of tears and snot, looking a decade younger than her fourteen years. She was at Nena’s side before Nena had a chance to move from the door. She grabbed Nena into a hug, burrowing her face in Nena’s chest as she cried and tried to speak, but her words were muffled.
Nena gently stroked her hair, the hair she’d so lovingly fixed what seemed like eons ago. They’d been so happy then.
“It’s okay. This is for the best.” She extracted herself from Georgia’s arms. “Be with your father, okay?” She took a few steps backward, distancing herself, though Georgia kept coming, kept pleading.
“He’s just in pain. This is new to him, and he doesn’t understand. We can make him understand.”
“He’s right,” Nena whispered, spinning around so she didn’t have to see Georgia’s face. She began walking away.
“He’s not right!” Georgia yelled behind her, her voice cracking. “Please don’t go. Don’t go, Nena, please.”
Nena forced herself to continue walking, going against every molecule in her body. Georgia’s pleas haunted her, would haunt her forever.
“Please, Nena! I need you!”
Nena’s steps faltered. Her breath hitched. She rounded a corner, now out of Georgia’s sight.
“We need you!”
And it was those words that broke her. The wudini. The woman of stone. Her hand reached out to anchor her against a wall as she stumbled beneath the weight of what she’d just lost.