50
BEFORE
Two weeks after I take Elin into my confidence, the mornings are brighter, and I feel as if some of my burden has been lifted.
Elin and I are different in every conceivable way. We are opposite bookends. She is stylish and highly sociable, assured and unabashedly unafraid. She speaks her mind and can be as tactful as a royal or as brash as a sailor.
I refrain from commenting. I question every decision I make. I prefer clothes that cover my developing body. I wear what allows me to blend into my surroundings so I may go unnoticed.
Mr. Noble, Ms. Delphine, and Elin are already at the breakfast table when I come down to eat. Ishmael excuses himself to gather ingredients for lunch from the pantry. Margot sets a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of me, velvety and topped with whipped cream. She knows how partial I am to sweets. She hovers over me a second too long, and when my eye catches hers, I know she knows everything and that Elin has told them all.
Despite all my caution, I have grown to love this family and become comfortable in these new settings. But now they know of my disloyalty, of how I betrayed my first family by surviving. And now, instead of being dead with them, I am living lavishly in a lifestyle fit for royalty.
Elin offers an apologetic smile. I am not upset with her for breaking my confidence. To be honest, I feel nothing but relief that the job was done for me.
“Darling,” Ms. Delphine says solemnly, “will you sit?”
“Yes, Ms. Delphine.”
She hates when I refer to her like that, but what other options have I?
“Nena.” Mr. Noble folds his newspaper, then lays it on the table beside his partially eaten scones and scrambled eggs. “We won’t dally around. Elin told us what you told her.”
I am nodding and swallowing, forcing my eyes to remain on the melting white cream. I try to save them the trouble.
“Yes, sir.” I swallow down the painful blockage in my throat. I rocket to my feet, prepared to leave immediately. My story, who I am, is more than these people have bargained for.
A long stretch of silence passes, and I cannot tell what any of them are thinking. I finally chance a look at Ms. Delphine and find not the disgust or pity I expected but sadness. She has tears in her eyes, and her lips are trembling. Mr. Noble appears just as stricken.
Mr. Noble begins, “Nena—”
“Darling, we would never ask you to leave,” Ms. Delphine cuts in. “Never.”
Mr. Noble silences his wife with a steady hand. “We had no idea what you have endured. We cannot fathom what has been done to you and your village, your father and brothers.” His voice cracks.
In wonder, I watch him overcome with unexpected emotion; his eyes are so unbelievably sad I have a fleeting urge to comfort him.
“I have already made calls to locate Paul and his men. We’ll find them and deal with them accordingly.”
Why? The question does not transmit from my mind to my lips. I clear my throat and repeat it aloud.
Mr. Noble looks baffled. “Why what, Nena?”
Ms. Delphine holds Elin’s hand. Elin looks at me, wide eyed and worried.
“Why did you take me in? Why are you doing this?” This has been on my mind for months. I drill an imaginary hole into the tabletop, awaiting their response.
“Nena, I owe you my wife’s life. You risked your life for hers. There are people I pay to do that, but you did it without a second thought, without an expectation of payment. You did it with no thought to your own safety.”
His voice gains strength. “The moment Delphine brought you into this house, I knew you were meant to be a part of our family, another daughter for me. I know you are loyal, and you are brave.”
I shake my head. “I’m not. I am neither brave nor loyal. If I was, I would not have sat idle as my family was slaughtered.”
Elin reaches out, nearly touching my hand. I slide it back before she has a chance. “There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have died with them.”
Ms. Delphine sucks in air at my truth. “Don’t ever say that, darling. You have done nothing but survive. That is the best thing you could have done for your family.”
“I was selfish.”
“You survived,” Mr. Noble corrects.
I fall silent. There is no moving me—or him.
“What is it that you want more than anything right now?” Ms. Delphine asks. “Anything in the world?”
The answer comes out as quickly as breath. “To not be afraid anymore.”
Elin looks at each of us worriedly, her face unable to hide her feelings.