“Nepotism for the win.”
I still can’t believe my first official job is working for Pa. I thought it would be something like unboxing shipments at a bookstore. But when Pa told me they were hiring, I applied because I was positive all I’d have to do was stock shelves while listening to music. Nope. It’s a lot of memorizing where different items are in the store as quickly as possible because customers hate it when you can’t spit out the answer at Google-search speeds. And it turns out that working the cash register stresses me out. One time I didn’t give a customer his correct change, and he asked to speak with my boss. I stupidly called my father Pa in front of the customer, who snapped at Pa for not doing a better job at teaching me how to count. I blushed and Pa bit his tongue, and we were both upset for the rest of the shift.
It’s pretty clear why I prefer unboxing things in the back room when given the chance. No customers plus bonus time to think about my worlds—real and imaginary.
I pull out my phone.
“No phone while working,” Pa says.
“I’m just checking the time. Lo siento.”
“Está bien. You meeting with that boy later?”
He’s talking about Mario. “Just Dylan,” I say.
“It’s never ‘just’ Dylan, even when it’s just Dylan. He’s a lot.”
Pa approves of Dylan way more than he does Mario. He thinks I deserve more commitment, but Mario and I have only been playing around in a romantic space for a little over a month. There’s still so much Mario and I haven’t talked about. Like his own history with past boyfriends or whether he’s even looking for a new relationship. I’m not a fan of Pa judging Mario for not being my official boyfriend.
Pa taps my shoulder. “If I offer you a penny for your thoughts in Spanish, will you understand that yet?”
“No,” I say.
“Was that an English ‘no’ or Spanish ‘no’？”
I stare at the condom boxes some more.
Pa snaps his fingers. “Benito, talk to me.”
“We’re at work.”
“I’m your father before I’m your boss. Except when you want to leave early or need an unscheduled day off.”
He doesn’t understand that this is one of the problems. He’s my father and my boss. He might want to have a conversation right now, but I’m pretty burned-out and need to breathe. Everything would’ve been so different if my family had money like Dylan’s so I could’ve gone away for school. I’m not airing out any of this to Pa while we’re wearing our blue Duane Reade vests. Or even at home. I need my space.
“I’m okay,” I say.
Pa sighs. “If you say so. Wrap it up with the wrap-it-ups and you can clock out early.”
“Thanks.”
Pa does his exaggerated cough to get me to speak in Spanish. He’s been pushing for more out of me ever since I turned Mario into my personal Duolingo. That’s the other reason Pa gets weird about Mario, though he’d never admit it. He had the chance to teach me himself. Now I’m turning to someone else.
“No one needs Spanish lessons to say gracias.”
“Every little bit counts.”
“Gracias, Pa.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “Ese es mi hijo.” Static rasps from his walkie-talkie before Alfredo’s voice asks for Pa for assistance at the cash register. “Don’t forget to say bye before you leave.”
“Don’t you mean adiós?”
Pa bows slightly in gratitude and heads to the front of the store.
I have this instinct to apologize for closing myself off, but I shouldn’t have to. I should get some time to figure out my feelings in peace.
I shelve the condom boxes, thinking about another consequence of still living with my parents. Last month Pa was doing laundry and found a condom sleeve in my jeans pocket. It led to this big conversation where he asked if I was sexually active or not. He was shocked when I told him that I’d had sex with Hudson, Arthur, and Mario. Pa got really fidgety because I don’t think any of the articles he read about how to talk to his son about sex could’ve prepared him for what to say when you find out your nineteen-year-old son has had sex with more people than you. All he could really say was how he was relieved condoms were always involved, and that he would tell Ma for me if I wanted. I didn’t mind her knowing, but I still couldn’t look either of them in the eye for the rest of the night.
I’m about to turn my attention away from the condoms and to the pregnancy tests when I hear my best friend.