“No!”
“It’s fine. I hate it here anyway. The weather’s impossible. I have to do all my running indoors, on treadmills, because if you step outside for ten minutes the heat’ll stop your heart.”
He explains that he’ll need two or three days to come get me. He’s currently en route to the Grand Canyon, so he’ll have to drive back to Las Vegas and book a new flight. “So maybe Sunday but definitely Monday. You just need to make it to Monday, okay? Doreen and I will pick you up. You can stay with me a few weeks, we’ll have a doctor look you over. Figure out a Plan B.”
“Thank you, Russell.”
I let my phone drop to the floor and close my eyes. I know I should get out of bed, I should go to a meeting or at the very least make myself dinner. But outside the cottage, it’s started to rain, one of those abrupt summer thunderstorms that come out of nowhere. Wind shakes the roof and water cascades down my windows. I’m trapped inside the cottage and I wish there was someone I could call. I’m dreading the long weekend ahead of me, the long lonely wait until Russell comes to get me. My only other friends are back at Safe Harbor, but I’m too ashamed to tell them what I’ve done.
Of course, there are also my friends before Safe Harbor. I’ve erased all their names and numbers from my contacts, but it wouldn’t be hard to track them down. Philadelphia is a thirty-minute train ride from Spring Brook. If I could just get to Kensington Avenue, I know I’d recognize plenty of faces, old friends happy to see me, ready to welcome me home. I have twelve hundred dollars in my checking account. I can pick up and go, and no one here would ever miss me.
Except Teddy.
Teddy would miss me, I know he would.
I can’t leave him without saying goodbye.
I need to stick around long enough to explain things, to let him know that none of this was his fault.
And so I stay in my perfect little cottage, the nicest place I’ve ever lived, a beautifully furnished reminder of everything I’ve just lost. It rains and rains and the buzzing in my brain is worse than ever—like my head is full of mosquitoes. I smash a pillow into my face and scream but nothing will silence the noise.
That night I sleep for ten, twelve, fourteen hours. Every time I wake up, I remember what happened, and then I burrow under my blankets until I’m asleep again.
At ten o’clock Saturday morning I stand up and drag myself into the shower. It makes me feel better, a little, I guess. Then I step outside and there’s a rock holding a sheet of paper on my porch.
Oh sweet Jesus, I think to myself, I’m really going crazy.
But it’s just a note from Caroline:
Dear Mallory,
Ted and I are taking Teddy to the shore. We told him you’ll be moving away, and of course he’s upset. Hopefully a day of beach and boardwalk rides will take his mind off things. We’ll be gone until late so you’ll have the pool and yard to yourself.
Also: Russell called this morning with an update. He has booked a red-eye ticket for tomorrow night, and he’ll be here Monday morning, between 10 and 11 a.m.
We’d like to spend tomorrow afternoon celebrating your time with our family—with swimming, dinner, dessert, etc. Starting around 3:00 if that works for you. Please call if you need anything or just want to talk. I am here to support you during this transition.
Love, Caroline
I walk over to the big house to get some orange juice, but when I try to enter my passcode on the keypad, it doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t. Ted and Caroline might trust me with their backyard, but there’s no way they’ll let me back in their house, not after I drew all over the walls.
I know I should go for a run. I know I’ll feel better if I get out and log a few miles. But I’m too embarrassed to leave the backyard, too ashamed to show my face around the neighborhood. I imagine that news of my deception has spread quickly, and now everyone in Spring Brook knows my secret. I walk back to my cottage, pour myself a bowl of Cheerios, and then remember I’m out of milk. I eat them dry, with my fingers. I lie on my bed with my tablet and go to the Hallmark Channel, scanning the selection of movies, but suddenly they all seem fake and horrible and awful—full of false promises and bullshit happy endings.
I’m ten minutes into something called A Shoe Addict’s Christmas when I hear footsteps on my porch and a soft knock at my door. I figure it’s probably Mitzi, coming to apologize for her behavior during the séance. I yell out “I’m busy” and raise the volume on my tablet.