Zindzi: I’m getting kind of irritated. Because I see him looking at me, and I’m looking at him . . .
Xavier: And my ex is looking at both of us.
Zindzi: And I’m like, fuck it. I’m just gonna go over there and see what’s good.
Xavier: And it was good.
Zindzi: Better than I expected it to be. We just clicked. I said I was hungry, and then we came here. Which was a bold move, actually, because sometimes the vibes you have when you’re around other people aren’t the same when you’re alone. Also we literally just met.
Xavier: But the vibes were the same. Actually, maybe better—at least for me. Shit, have I just exposed myself?
Zindzi: Yep.
[Pause]
Zindzi: It was better.
Xavier: Whew, you almost killed me just then.
Kiki: What was so special about that initial conversation that made you want to see where it goes?
Xavier: It was just . . . easy. Just easy.
Zindzi: That’s it. There was no force to the convo—you know how sometimes at parties you force it just because you’re supposed to flirt? And it ends up being cringe? There was none of that.
Kiki: What would you have done if you’d gone over there and it had flopped?
Zindzi: Then at least I would have known. Better to know than not, right? It’s about being brave, innit. But . . . also, I don’t know, I didn’t think it would flop. I went there knowing—without knowing.
Xavier: Not gonna lie, I really thought she was peng. That’s what first drew me to her. But maybe it was the knowing-without-knowing thing that made me look at her twice. Let’s go with that, it sounds good.
Kiki: Where are you hoping this goes?
Zindzi: Wherever it wants to go.
Xavier: Wherever she wants it to go.
“So, it was better than McDonald’s.”
We were back in the warmth of Malakai’s car, but I think I would have felt warm regardless. The cool, crisp early morning air hadn’t shifted my body temperature—my internal central heating dial seemed to have sprung to the highest mark and got stuck there. The first interview had gone extremely well. The couple were cute, appropriately handsy and clearly in their first flush of whatever their thing was. When we left they were making out outside, against the wall of Sweetest Ting. The other couple had been politely asked to leave.
Malakai grinned at the road. “Told you. Big ballin’。”
“Meji gave us our meals for free.”
“It’s the sentiment.”
I smiled and shook my head. “I had fun tonight.”
Malakai’s eyes were still on the road but I somehow sensed the smile in them from my vantage point. “I’m glad. So did I.”
“For what it’s worth, I no longer think you’re a Wasteman.”
I’d been preparing for some gentle gloating, for him to ask me to say it louder, but instead of the smirk I had expected to draw up on Malakai’s face, he was silent for a few seconds, his face thoughtful.
“It’s worth a lot.”
I tore my gaze from the road to his profile in question.
Malakai glanced at me. “Look, I’m not saying being called out didn’t suck, because it did. And I was pissed, obviously. But I think part of why I was pissed was because I was shook that you might have been right. I didn’t mean to be that way but I can see how it looked. Maybe I could’ve been clearer with how I approached things. Maybe . . . maybe, low-key, I knew what would happen if I was clearer.
“The girls weren’t wrong to expect more. But it’s like the more you invest in something the more likely it is that you’re going to hurt someone. I didn’t want either. I didn’t want to emotionally tangle myself up with someone. I’m a mess. I didn’t want to pull someone else into that. I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I could disappoint. Which I ended up doing anyway, so . . . I see now that that was a shitty plan.”
I frowned. “Why do you think your default would be to disappoint?”
Malakai gave a humorless half smile. “Some things are in the DNA.”
Malakai was focused on the road, jaw tight, loaded from holding on to something. I surprised myself by wanting to help him carry it. If I couldn’t do that then maybe sharing some heavy of my own would keep him company with it.
“You know, the reason I took my sister to the library after school was because my dad would be at the hospital with my mum. We visited on the weekends, but she made my dad promise that he’d keep visits with us sparse. She didn’t want us to see her like that. She got sick just before I started Year 12. She’s okay now but back then it was bad. Really bad.”