I hate kissing.
So very much.
I distract him by pulling off his shirt, forcing his lips to break from mine. He wears a crooked grin, his pupils like little pinpoints. I wait for Ian to hike me up on the bed, to set me by the pillow and press his body weight against me. The image flushes my skin.
But instead, he climbs onto the bed and pulls me down on top of his chest so that I’m in a perfect position to ride him.
And then he puts his hands underneath his head in relaxation. Maybe we should just skip all the awkward foreplay anyway. I did that with numbers three and four, and I saved myself an uncomfortable hour. But what’s the point of all of this if we have a quickie and then he just leaves? I want him to spend the night, don’t I?
So I begin to kiss his broad shoulders and suck on his hard abs and his muscular chest. He watches me and lets out a groan every so often.
“Lower, baby,” he urges. One of his hands has come out of hiding behind his head, but his fingers grip his hair, his mouth open as he gets off on what I’m doing. “Uhh, yes.”
I unbutton his jeans and unzip. His erection is visible through his red briefs. I stop touching him so I can yank off my sweater, no bra since my boobs are pretty small. I stand up on the bed, my body off of his, and I unzip my own shorts. He watches me with a heady expression, and I know he’s feeling the effects of the drugs.
He sits and runs his hands up my legs, his palms coarse on my smooth skin. He brings me back down on his lap the moment I step out of the jeans. Everything seems more mechanical than sensual.
“I want you here,” he says to me. He grabs my hand and brings it to his crotch, helping me find his penis. Not that I needed any help doing that. My head buzzes with erratic energy, the kind that has my skin all tingly and my heart pounding a little too hard. It’s making it difficult to discern how I feel about this current situation, me on top, gripping his dick.
He plunges his tongue into my mouth again while he moves my hand up and down his shaft. Thankfully he breaks this kiss to groan. He stares down between our bodies, at the place where my small hand is underneath his large, where I’m touching his erection, warm to my fingers.
I rest my forehead on his chest. I think I just want something more than this. I don’t even know what that more is. I keep searching and searching with guys. Is this really it? Maybe something’s still off. I have no sense of attraction, no true nerve-spindling sensations yet. The only electrifying feelings are coming from my caffeinated concoction.
He forces my head back so that he can stare at my breasts while I give him a hand job. I don’t think I’m being attentive or doing very good work, but I don’t think that matters to him. I think the idea of me, a young blonde girl （famous）， on top of him is all the stimulation he needs.
He kisses my neck now. But before he even sucks on my nape, his lips descend to my chest. His tongue flicks over my nipple, and then he bites it, hard. I wince, a high-pitched noise leaving my mouth, the sound so audible. Ow. Ow. Ow.
He must take my noise as approval or pleasure because he bites harder.
I shove him off with a push on his abs. But he grabs my wrist and brings my hand back to his dick. He guides my face into his shoulder, as though consoling me, but not really because his other hand travels to my backside.
“Have you taken it in the ass before?” he asks with a heavy grunt. He moves my hand lower on his dick.
“Once,” I tell him. My boob throbs. I should end this. But maybe it’ll be better if I just wait a little longer. Maybe I dislike sex because I don’t try hard enough or I don’t give enough effort. I convince myself to wait it out.
He grabs my ass, and then his finger slips into a hole that has never been penetrated by a finger before. I go rigid, my eyes wide and horrified. Okay, I don’t like this at all. Is this normal? For once, I feel my age, and I’m more aware that I’m in bed with a twenty-five-year-old.
A guy as old as Ryke.
Everything about this feels weird. Physically, emotionally, mentally—I shift and find a way to adjust so he can’t touch me there anymore. I don’t even finish him off. I slide down to his ankles, crouching. “I’m pretty tired,” I lie. “Maybe we can do this another night.”
He gives me a long once-over. “Is it your first time? I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll be more careful.”
“I’m not a virgin,” I say. “I told you, I—”
“You don’t have to lie. I don’t mind that you haven’t been with anyone before. In fact, it’s kind of sexy.” He grins. “I’ll go easy, I promise.” He clasps my hand and pulls me back on his lap.