A flip of a coin.
He can so easily push me out of his life, and the only reason I’m still here is because I refuse to go, no matter how hard he shoves.
But Daisy…I know in my heart she’s something that can drive me away from him. I’m going to fight against the moment, but I also mentally prepare for it. “Sure,” I tell her. “Listen, do whatever Yada Sisterhood thing—”
“Ya-Ya,” she corrects me.
“Whatever,” I say. “Just don’t let Rose fucking cut you. Stick up for yourself.”
“Is that what you’ve been telling my little sister?” she asks, flipping the switch.
“I tell her a lot of fucking things,” I say. “And yeah, that’s one of them.”
“Good,” Lily says. I can practically see her nod with resoluteness, in this goofy fucking way.
“Are you wearing an animal on your fucking head?” I ask her.
“You know what it’s called.”
“No I don’t.”
“It’s a Wampa cap.”
“That Star Trek shit?” I say, knowing that it’s Star Wars. I like to give her a hard time.
“Star Wars. Lo would kick you for that.”
“Good thing he’s not fucking around.” My brother, a fucking comic book geek with looks that could murder and simultaneously melt women. It’s so fucking weird. Who would have thought? Nine years ago, not me.
There’s a long pause before she asks, “How is she doing?”
I glance at Daisy who rocks on her feet, antsy as she stands in one place for so long. Her bandaged cheek is on the other side. The only marks visible are the bruises beneath her eyes. I remember her smile as she came, her laugh and the genuine happiness that blanketed over her. I wish this bad fucking thing didn’t have to happen for her to make these hard decisions about modeling, but I am glad she’s finally made them.
“She’s going to be okay,” I tell Lily. “She looks good.” She looks fucking beautiful.
“Thank you, for what you did,” Lily says. “We all appreciate it, you know.”
I don’t pick my words that carefully. I just fucking say them. “I’d do anything for her.”
“Is it different this time?” she asks me.
“What do you mean?”
“In Cancun a couple years ago, you kind of saved Daisy back then too. I just wondered if you feel differently now.” What is she getting at?
“Say it fucking bluntly or don’t say it at all.”
She sighs. “Why do you have to be so mean?”
“I didn’t think I was,” I snap.
“Do you like her more now than you did then?” she says straight out.
“She was only sixteen back then,” I tell her. “I didn’t hang out with her that much.” The truth is way more complicated than that.
“Just say it bluntly or don’t say it at all,” Lily rebuts, with ten times less force than me.
I almost smile. “She means a fucking lot to me, Calloway.” It’s still not much better but it seems to appease Lily.
“Have you told this to Lo?” she asks.
“What would it fucking matter? He sees what he wants to see.” I’m the intruder, the fucking guy he opened his arms to, the guy he let in his life. If I stick my cock anywhere near Daisy, he will be affronted as though I fucked with his family, his friends, his world.
“He sees what you give him,” Lily says softly, “and you’re not giving him a lot to work with, Ryke.”
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. I’m so fucking scared to open up about my history with my own brother. That’s the fucking truth. I did wrong by him for so long, and if I start talking about it, I feel like I’ll just push him away more. I’ll give him no reason to be close to me. I have years of hate underneath my belt, no fucking love.
So why express that? What fucking good will that do?
I just want to forget it all and move on.
Daisy reaches the front of the line.
“I have to go,” I tell Lily.
“Was she happy that she’s able to go with you guys to California?” she asks before we hang up.
“Yeah,” I say, my chest rising with the fucking fact. “I’ll keep her safe.”
“You be safe,” Lily emphasizes. “You’re the one climbing. I’m packing a first-aid kit, just in case you fall, so you know.”
“Your fucking Band-Aid isn’t going to save me.”