But last night, just for a moment, when Bryce had stepped up and the two of them had Sabine backing away … he’d remembered what it’d been like. To not only be a wolf in a pack, but a player on a team, working in unison, as if they were one mind, one soul.
Never mind that he’d once thought of himself and Bryce that way.
The fucking Hind could go to Hel. He had no idea how she’d pieced that together, but he’d kill her if she ever mentioned it to anyone again. Especially Bryce.
It was no one’s business but his, and it was ancient history now anyway. He’d had two years without Bryce to sort his shit out, and being near her again had been … hard, but he’d never told anyone about his feelings before Connor died, and he sure as Hel wasn’t going to start now.
The Hind had been right, though: he’d walked into Connor’s dorm that day early in his brother’s freshman year at CCU, intending to meet the awesome, gorgeous, hilarious hallmate Con talked about endlessly. And on his way down the dingy, carpeted hall, he’d run into … well, an awesome, gorgeous, hilarious hallmate.
He’d been struck stupid. She was the hottest person he’d ever seen, no joke. Her smile had warmed some gods-forsaken place in Ithan’s chest that had been icy and dark since his parents had died, and those whiskey eyes had seemed to … see him.
Him, not the sunball player, not the star athlete or anything like that. Just him. Ithan.
They spoke for ten minutes in the hall without exchanging names. He’d just been Connor’s little brother, and she hadn’t given her name and he’d forgotten to ask for it, but by the time Connor poked his head into the hall, Ithan had decided he was going to marry her. He’d attend CCU, play sunball for them and not Korinth U, who’d already been wooing him, and he’d find this girl and marry her. He suspected they might even be mates, if he was right about that gut tug toward her. And that would be that.
Then Connor had said, “Looks like you met Ithan already, Bryce,” and Ithan had wanted to dissolve into that disgusting dorm carpet.
He knew it was fucking stupid. He’d spoken to Bryce for ten minutes before finding out she was the girl his brother was obsessed with, but … it had messed with him. So he’d thrown himself into the role of irreverent friend, pretended to be into Nathalie so he had something to complain to Bryce about. He’d suffered on the sidelines watching Connor tiptoe around Bryce for years.
He’d never told Bryce that the reason why Connor had finally asked her out that night was because Ithan had told him to shit or get off the pot.
Not in those terms, and he’d said it without raising his brother’s suspicions, as he’d always done when talking about Bryce, but he’d had it. Had just had it with his brother hesitating while Bryce dated a string of losers.
If Connor didn’t step up to the line, then Ithan had decided he’d finally come forward. Take a gamble and see if that spark between them might lead somewhere.
But Bryce had said yes to Connor. And then Connor had died.
And while Connor was being murdered, she’d been fucking someone else in the White Raven bathroom.
Ithan had no idea how there wasn’t some black hole where he’d been standing the moment he’d found out about that night. That was how hard he’d imploded, like the star he’d been gave the fuck up and bailed.
Ithan leaned back against the bench, sighing. These last few days, he’d felt like he was poking his head out of that black hole. Now this bullshit about Connor and the Pack’s souls being fed into the Dead Gate threatened to pull him back in.
He knew Bryce was pissed about it. Upset. But she had Athalar now.
And no part of Ithan resented them for it. No, that history was behind him, but … he didn’t know what to do with himself when he spoke to her. The girl he’d been so convinced would be his wife and mate and mother to his kids.
How many times had he allowed himself to picture that future: him and Bryce opening presents with their children on Winter Solstice eve, traveling the world together while he played sunball, laughing and growing old in this city, their friends around them.
He was glad to not be living in her apartment anymore. He’d had nowhere else to go after Sabine and Amelie had kicked him out, and he sure as fuck wasn’t planning to stage any kind of coup with her, as Sabine seemed to fear, but … he was grateful Ruhn had offered him a place to stay instead.
“A little early, isn’t it?” Tharion called from the river, and Ithan stood from the bench to find the mer treading water, powerful fin swirling beneath him.