I stifled the shudder of revulsion, and the memory of the flowers delivered the next day, and the lie I’d told Felicia about slipping on the ice. I shook it all away, focusing on Aaron’s question. “He’s a kid. I don’t compare my students to men I’ve dated. That’s . . .” I searched for the phrase that best described the rising bile in my stomach and settled on “inappropriate.”
Aaron shrugged and pushed back from the table to get another beer. “I’m not saying you want to sleep with the kid. I’m just saying he might remind you of Davis.”
Felicia breezed into the room, plucking the beer from her husband’s hand. “What did I miss?”
“I was just saying, Nay always has strong reactions to people who are self-assured.”
“Definitely. Except for me. It’s a miracle we’ve been friends so long.”
My best friend since third grade when she punched a girl who was bullying me, Felicia was my opposite in every way. Bold to my timid; dark, smooth skin to my ethnically ambiguous; brave to my fearful. Her smile was contagious, and I gave her a knowing grin. They were both wrong, though. Self-assurance didn’t bother me. Davis was cocky. The way his lip curled when he was upset with me and how I had learned to cower at that expression—cocky bothered me. I shook my head, willing away the image as Aaron continued.
“You’re wound too tight, Nay. Always have been.” Aaron popped the top off two beers and handed me one. “I bet that kid wouldn’t bother you this much if you”—he lifted his brows a few times—“found someone to help you loosen up.”
“My sex life has nothing to do with that kid being prepared for my class.” That was true, and my interest in sex had been nonexistent for a long time. After my last relationship, I’d felt disconnected from my body, and I didn’t trust anything that felt good. Then, a few months earlier, Felicia had talked me into doing yoga with her a couple times a week, and eventually I’d become more in tune with my body. Turned out, my body missed sex even though my mind was resistant to trusting someone.
Felicia settled in the chair across from me, leaning forward on the table. “You might be more relaxed. Maybe you’d go with the flow more. It’s been a long time, girl.”
I couldn’t fault my friends for encouraging me to move on. It had been three years, and as far as they knew, I was over it. I skirted the issue.
“Have you ever known me to go with the flow?” I raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. “Besides, I can’t just get laid. It’s not like I can just pick up a guy at the drugstore along with aspirin and gum. It’s not that easy.”
Felicia shared a look with her husband. “You’re hot and live in a major metropolitan area; it is definitely that easy. I’d do you myself if I wasn’t so in love with my husband and his impressive—”
I held my arms up, palms out. “Do not finish that sentence, I beg you.”
Felicia shrugged and smiled sweetly.
Aaron took a swig from his beer. “Don’t let this go to your head, Nay, but if I was a stranger and saw you on the street, I’d think you were pretty hot. If you want to get laid, you can get laid.”
I cringed at his assessment and turned to Felicia. “You’re okay with him thinking that?”
Felicia looked me up and down. “You have the ass of a nineteen-year-old . . . Let’s be honest, he’s not wrong.” She held up her hand for a high five from her husband.
I narrowed my eyes and stared at Aaron.
He shot me a rueful glance and ignored my expression. “I’m married, not dead. I stand by my assessment. Why not test the waters if you’re ready?”
“I don’t want to have sex with a random guy I meet in a bar or because he swiped right. I want a connection.” I wasn’t sure I’d ever been in love with someone I’d slept with, not real love. I had no idea how different it might be to be with someone where it was real. Hell, it’s been long enough. Do I even remember how to do it? Somewhere in the middle of this conversation, I’d forgotten I was against the entire premise.
“I offered to set you up with my trainer. Wes is cute,” Felicia chimed in.
“Isn’t he dating someone?” Aaron asked.
“Details,” she said with a dismissive wave. “Nay, I’m adding sex with a stranger to your list.”
“What list?”
“The list of things you will do on the way to getting a life.”