“Oh, we’re not, um, together anymore.”
His eyebrows ticked up, a note of skepticism in the shift of his eyes. “I’m not sure that really matters.”
The president had canceled the rest of the retreat. I’d cringed when I heard, sure my colleagues would be angry that they’d come all this way only to go back home, but no one complained, not in front of me, anyway. The flash of taillights and the crunch of gravel came through the window as one of the vans departed.
I dragged my eyes from the glass to find Carlton eyeing me intently, concern in his gaze. “Jake will take you home in our rental, if you want. I can ride with Flip.”
As if on cue, Jake stepped through the door.
* * *
It took a little over an hour to travel from the retreat site to my apartment. Immediately after we pulled away from the site, he reached across the center console. I wondered if he might try to take my hand, but he froze midair and dropped it to the gear shift. We spent the drive in silence, listening only to the sounds of the road around us and the robotic voice on the GPS. I glanced at his profile; his jaw was firm and his eyes focused on the road. The space between us seemed endless as we drove, parked, and rode the elevator to my floor.
My fingers shook as I tried to unlock my apartment door, and Jake tentatively stepped beside me, taking my keys gently and unlocking the door.
He was so stiff and careful not to touch me, like he didn’t know if it was allowed. After the door was open, he fiddled with his watch and looked away from my face. “Do you want me to call someone for you?”
I shook my head without saying anything.
“Okay, then I’ll . . .” He rested his hand on the knob, then hesitantly stepped out the door and looked down the hall. That shift, that movement of his eyes, tripped something in me. Emotionally frayed and physically exhausted, I took control again, but this time to reach for what I wanted.
“No. Jake, wait.” I stepped forward and touched his arm. “Will you stay?”
He swallowed, and his gaze traveled over my face, pausing on the bruise on my cheek.
His forearm was warm, and the familiar act of touching him gave me more confidence. I reached for his wrist.
“Please?”
It took him a moment, but he slowly laced his fingers with mine and pushed the door closed behind him. His movements were still cautious and deliberate.
I didn’t break eye contact and stepped toward him, but it was Jake who closed the distance between us. He pulled my body to him, wrapping me in his arms again and blocking out the world.
“Naya,” he said in a ragged voice that unfurled from deep within his chest, his breath heavy over my ear. He kissed the side of my head roughly. “I didn’t know . . .” he said into my hair. “I was ready to kill that bastard, to wring his neck.”
Jake kissed my temple again, a peck. Then another. “I wish you’d told me it was him.”
Under my palms, the cotton of his T-shirt was soft over his pectoral muscles, and he held me close. For the first time in hours, I relaxed my muscles, leaning against him. I wanted someone to hold me who I could trust to not let me fall.
“I would have . . . I don’t know, but I would have done something.” Brushing his lips near the top of my ear, he dropped a third kiss, and I molded my fingers along his jaw. Counting the kisses was a way to keep time, to keep myself in the moment. He exhaled heavily as my fingertips grazed his hairline. He touched his forehead to mine and brushed his lips to the tip of my nose.
I turned my head to meet his lips, seeking the familiar pressure. He hedged for a moment, then his mouth opened to mine. The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet. I tried to say everything I hadn’t verbalized with my mouth. That I was sorry, that I needed him more than I could admit, and that I loved him, too. Unable to find any of the words, I sank into him, and he cupped my cheek.
He held my face in both palms. “I—”
I shook my head, reaching to nip at his lower lip. His kisses left me grounded in a way I hadn’t been since Davis attacked me, and I didn’t know how else to show him he was what I needed, who I trusted.
He gently pulled his body from mine, tipping his head away. “Naya, wait.”
I am good with words. Why can’t I find any of the right ones? I let my hands trail back down his chest, my fingers splayed. I didn’t know how to communicate that I didn’t want anything except contact. “Please, don’t leave.”
He exhaled heavily and searched my face. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” His fingers flexed at my waist. “I couldn’t even look at you in the meeting. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but all the while that monster was just a few feet from you. God, it turns my stomach.” His brows pinched and his jaw tensed again. “I accused you of looking away, and I did the same thing. I’m so sorry, Naya. I’m so sorry. I should have paid more attention.”