You left alone, shortly followed by the crusty, and I was intrigued. When you wandered down the road and went into a wildlife centre, I was completely bemused, but followed your lead and jumped the fence a few minutes after you’d gone in. I began to suspect that you were looking for a place to be alone with the chap, and I worried that I might catch you both in flagrante, as it were – something a brother should never see a sister engaged in. So I stayed well away as you both went down to the deck by the water. Not quite near enough to hear what was said, but transfixed all the same. Something odd happened where he held a match to your foot, but I couldn’t make out much in the dark. And then, just as my legs started to seize up from crouching and I started to think about whether I could order an Uber to a remote wildlife centre, you pushed him into the water. I stood up in shock, Grace. You looked round quickly but I was protected by the dark. I didn’t know what to do. My brain was screaming at me to rush to the water and pull the fellow out, but my legs didn’t move. It all seemed so utterly mad. You were sharing a bottle of wine with this harmless-looking man, and then you were killing him. Why? As you tidied up around you （impressively calmly when I think back to it）， I dialled 999 but I didn’t press call. I told myself I would when you left, but by the time you actually did, my mind was calmer and I knew I couldn’t. How to explain what I was doing? Ah yes, officer, it’s all fairly simple, I was following my sister （who doesn’t know she’s my sister） and I lurked behind this lovely bush while she drowned a fellow. Then I watched as she washed up some mugs and hopped into a cab. That would never do. However good my intentions, I’d be dragged into a sordid story and Lottie and the girls would be marked by it too. Whatever you’d done was your business. But it did make me realise that perhaps the vague notion I’d had about forging a relationship with you was doomed to fail. You can’t be too close with a woman who goes around pushing people into ponds really, whatever the blood ties.
Simon let me know who you killed two days later. Less whisky and regret this time around, he obviously wasn’t that fond of his nephew. But it was still a shock. An accident, he said. Andrew was troubled and had tried to seek a new life, but he was always floundering. The family were keeping it as private as possible, and I knew that the potential scandal was the reason for such privacy. That only made me feel like I’d made the right choice to stay schtum.
So you’d killed our cousin. But why? As far as I could tell, he was a nice man with no connection to you. You wouldn’t benefit from his death financially, and I couldn’t see what you got out of it emotionally. It buzzed around my head, getting worse and worse because I couldn’t tell anyone about what I knew.
I guess a therapist looking at me around that time would say I was still processing Christopher’s death, and for all I don’t hold with that stuff, they’d probably be spot on. On top of that I was bombarded by Simon, who had stepped up his demand for contact, plus I had Lottie asking me to come home every time she called. I felt quite bonkers. As a deflection from it all, I kept on following you, desperate to figure it out, to know why you’d done it. I became a man slightly possessed. For a while, things went quiet and I scratched my head wondering why you’d kill our cousin and then blend back into the background. I started running, following your routes, but you never did anything out of the ordinary. But a few months later, you started to go to nightclubs and bars alone. I started going too, always sitting a little way away, careful to try to blend in. It’s not hard to do that, Grace, when you’re a fairly average-looking white guy in a smart establishment. I seem to blend in well, you’ve never seemed to remember my face, though I was by your side for months. Besides, you weren’t looking for me. You were on the hunt. For our uncle, it turned out. That’s when I started to figure out what was going on. I suppose you’d think I was a bit slow at the uptake really. But my feelings towards Simon were nothing like yours, and it took me a while to try to put myself in your shoes. Even when I did, I couldn’t muster up the burning hatred it would take to carry out such a plan. Watching you spend hours waiting in bars only for your eyes to light up when Lee walked in, that could only be something you’d planned.
I still wasn’t entirely certain, mind you. For a while, I thought you were playing out some kind of mad fetish where you were actually going to sleep with your own uncle. I’m sorry for thinking that, but you’ve got to admit it’s weird to watch someone walk into a sex club with a relative. I enjoyed that night actually. It’s not something I’d normally go in for but I thought I’d better get in character. At an orgy, a man in chinos would probably stick out more than a bloke in assless chaps would at an annual budget meeting. I wore a mask which made me feel like I was playing a role and I was sad I had to leave the fun early when you took Lee down the hall to a private room.