My lip trembles, and I can’t decide if I want to hug her again or turn and smack a large one right on Zade’s lips. I’m incredibly happy for Jillian, and it feels like some of the cracks in my soul mend just a little more.
We find a spot by one of the pens and talk for a good hour while Zade helps the other girl with the chickens, leaving us alone. She tells me a little about her life before she was taken, and I tell her about mine. She made me promise to bring her a signed copy of one of my books, and it honestly tore my heart out as much as it mended it. I miss writing, but I know I’m not ready for that yet.
Eventually, we leave Jillian to her work while Zade shows me around the rest of the small village. There are classrooms for the children, workshops for the elder kids, and plenty of activities to give them all something to work toward. The adults are also taught skills and trades that will allow them to get jobs, along with teaching life skills and giving them the necessary tools to support themselves.
Of course, no one is required to leave, but the last thing Zade wants to do is strip people of their independence, so those who want to go out and experience the world and lead normal lives are able to do so.
There’s even a stable with horses, offering equine therapy for the survivors. And of course, there’s several on-site therapists, Dr. Maybell being one of them.
My memory is a little spotty from when I first came home, but I never forgot her warmth. The few times she visited, she helped more than I realized. And sometime soon, I plan on seeing her again and more regularly.
We spend hours playing with the children and speaking with other survivors. I even met Sarah, the little girl who is still very insistent on Zade becoming her daddy. His eyes were a warm gooey mess when they looked over to me while Sarah jumped all over him, and for one insane second, I almost said yes right then and there.
He’s going to make a great father one day, but that day isn’t today. Not when I’m still learning how to pick up the pieces without cutting myself.
By the time I get back in the car, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. From getting to see what Zade built and how fucking beautiful it is, to seeing Jillian and hearing about Rio—I’m a damn mess.
“Do you still want to kill him?” I ask, not bothering to clarify. He knows who I’m talking about.
“Yes,” he admits.
“Even after meeting his sister and hearing that he’s suffered, too?”
He’s silent for a beat. “One person’s suffering does not justify the pain they inflict on others.”
“You’re right, but he also didn’t have a choice,” I argue.
Zade sets his jaw, pulling out of the parking space and heading down the dirt road.
“Baby, there’s no good answer for this. If you want me to forgive him, that will never fucking happen. He’s directly responsible for nearly killing you in a car accident, kidnapping you, and bringing you into a place where you were repeatedly raped and abused. What do you want me to fucking say? He’s a victim, too, and all’s forgiven?”
I snap my mouth shut. Just like people aren’t black and white, neither are our emotions toward them. Rio caused me a lot of pain, and regardless of the person I came to know in that house, Zade didn’t experience that. He didn’t get to know Rio like I did, and the only thing he’ll ever see is the man who helped ruin my life. I can’t fault him for that. Especially when I don’t think I’d be so forgiving either if the roles were reversed.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
He sighs. “You have nothing to be sorry for, little mouse.”
The gates open for us again, and he pulls out onto the road.
“Can you take me to one more place?” I ask.
“Anywhere,” he answers.
I hold up my arm, showing him the barcode Rio tattooed on my wrist.
“I want to get a tattoo.”
He smiles. “Of my name?”
I snort. “Keep dreaming, buddy.”
Chapter 26
The Diamond
You bleed so pretty, diamond. Like your body was meant to be cut up by my knife.
I set my trembling hand down, still clutching the knife until my knuckles turn white. Maybe I don’t need to make this salad.
Fuck, I know it hurts so good, doesn’t it, diamond? Look at all that blood.
My favorite color has always been red, and my God, do you look beautiful covered in it.
A hand brushes across my shoulder, and all of those memories come to life. Xavier is standing behind me, ready to take from me again. And I can’t let it happen. I won’t survive it.