Watching someone else bleed doesn’t make me feel quite so alone.
I take the rose, a thorn immediately pricking my skin, but I hardly feel it. Not with all of my attention on the heat of his body pressing into my back.
“Can I touch your thighs, baby?” he asks, his tone hushed and deep. Another nod of my head, and his large hands are slowly spreading my thighs. All of my focus zeroes in on the movement, and the terror is becoming too much. Tingles blossom in the tips of my fingers, and I know pretty soon, they’ll travel up my limbs until I can no longer feel them.
“Relax,” he soothes. “I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to think about it really hard, okay?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I hold it for a few seconds before releasing it. And then I nod, working to calm myself.
“What makes you feel powerful, Addie? Was it holding that gun in your hand? Holding it to my head and knowing that you could take my life?”
Tears rise, followed by a touch of guilt.
“I’m so—”
“I don’t want your apologies or guilt, Adeline. I want you to tell me the truth. What did holding a gun to my head make you feel?”
Tightening my lips, I quiet the shame and look past that. What did it make me feel?
It made me feel… in control. I was holding someone else’s life in my hands, and it was my decision and only mine if I pulled that trigger. I held something precious. Something irreversible. And it was all… mine.
“It made me feel powerful,” I admit.
“And what does power feel like?” he asks, his voice deepening as one of his hands trail up to my neck, avoiding my breasts. His touch is sensual but… safe.
“Let me feel you here.”
His hand slowly slides up the column of my throat, giving me time to reject him. When I say nothing, he clutches the underside of my jaw, forcing my chin up as he pulls my head back against his chest. My gaze locks on the white ceiling as anxiety crawls through my body.
“Focus, Adeline. What does power feel like?”
I release another shaky breath and speak before I can think too deeply about it. “It makes me feel good.”
“Good,” he murmurs. “I want you to think about that feeling. In your mind, hold that gun to whoever you wish. To me. To any of the men that hurt you. Whatever makes you feel good.”
I close my eyes, and the first person that comes to mind is Xavier. He’s kneeling before me, begging for his life. I can still feel the heavy metal in my hand, but unlike just minutes before, my hand is perfectly still. No violent tremors rack my body as I hold Xavier’s life in my hands.
I press the gun to his head, relishing in the pleas spilling from his lips. And I pull that fucking trigger.
“Now feel between your legs,” Zade whispers, sensing how my breath has escalated for an entirely different reason.
Slowly, my hand reaches down, swiping between my legs. Moisture gathers on my fingers, and I’m surprised enough by the revelation that I completely forget about everything else. For just a moment, I bask in the fact that I’m aroused.
My breath falters, and shame filters in, but Zade senses that, too. With my throat still seized in his hand, he turns his head until his lips brush against the shell of my ear.
Warm breath skates across the side of my face as he whispers roughly, “Do you know how hard my cock gets when I think about all the ways I’m going to slowly torture the men that hurt you?”
I open my mouth, but no sound escapes. They evaporate on my tongue when Zade rolls his hips into my back, the evidence of his words digging into my lower spine.
It should repulse me. But it doesn’t. And I clutch ahold of that feeling while it’s there. I don’t care if it’s fucked up, it feels so much better than the constant agony.
I close my mouth and nod, acquiescing to the thoughts as the shame recedes.
“I'm going to touch your hand now,” he whispers.
He keeps my throat in his grip while his free hand reaches up and wraps around mine, the rose still clenched in my fist. He squeezes tight, forcing the sharp thorns to spear my hand.
I inhale sharply, hissing between my teeth before gritting them against the pain. And then he guides our hands down until the soft petals brush against my pussy.
My eyes shutter as he glides the petals up and down, coating the rose in my arousal. I feel the blood rising to my cheeks as he lifts it again and presents the dripping flower to me.
“Zade…”
Blood trails down my arm as he releases my throat to grab my other hand and bring it to the rose, guiding my fingers across the petals.