I stared at him, remembering our last exchange. I wasn’t sorry, and clearly, he wasn’t either. He still looked like he wanted to punch me. A part of me hoped he would.
A soft touch swept across my hand. “Goodbye, Cristian,” said Liliana.
And then she was gone.
Luca stepped forward a few minutes later. “Hei, can I talk to you?”
“No.”
“C’mon, Cristian. Please?”
We exited the small space into the darkened hallway. Luca grabbed two wooden chairs. “Too crowded here.” He carried the chairs down to the third floor and tried to make small talk.
“I’m not in the mood for a chat, Luca.”
“You’ve been in a mood for weeks. I tried to give you space. But we need to resolve this. Should I let you sucker punch me again? If that’s what it’ll take, I’ll do it.”
“I didn’t sucker punch you.”
“Yeah, you did. You know I’m not a fighter. And you also know that I’m fair. But you’re so tight-lipped.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I had no idea that you liked Liliana. If you would have told me, I never would have tried.”
I turned to Luca. “You never would have tried what?”
“To spend time with her.”
“You’ve been spending time with Liliana?”
“Not recently,” said Luca. “But she’s smart and I liked her. She lives in my building, so I was trying to get to know her.”
I looked at Luca, running a mental timeframe. “You were trying to get close to Liliana?”
“Yeah, and you’re mad about it.”
Was this a sick joke? My best friend turns me in to the Securitate and tries to steal my girlfriend?
“Listen, Cristian, you have nothing to worry about. The last time I saw her, she said she only wanted to see you. I was disappointed, but you’re my friend. Just wish you would have told me.”
“You were disappointed? So disappointed that you ran to your Secu agent and informed on her? She thinks it was me, asshole.”
Luca’s gentle face pinched into anger. “Du-te dracu.” He stood up, kicking his chair back in the process. “You know what, Cristi? Go to hell,” he muttered, and walked down the stairs.
My fists tightened. The agent, Luca, Liliana, and now Bunu. Go to hell? I was already there. And there was no way out. I’d be chained at the ankles for the rest of my life. I grabbed Luca’s wooden chair and heaved it against the wall, smashing it to pieces.
An apartment door flew open. The woman from Boston ran to me and grabbed my arms.
“Stop,” she ordered. “Breathe.”
I hadn’t been able to breathe for weeks.
“Breathe, Cristian,” she whispered.
“You don’t understand. I can’t.” My voice caught in my throat. The words “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” came sputtering from my mouth as tears appeared and streamed down my face. “I can’t!”
I slid down the cold cement wall of the hallway, crying.
“I can’t.”
She kneeled down and gripped me by the shoulders. “Yes, you can.” She leaned in close to whisper. “Listen to me. You are fine. You . . . are fine. The regime is sick, not you, okay? Don’t ever forget that.”
* * *
? ? ?
I didn’t forget.
Ever.
And I hope no one else does.
|| INFORMER REPORT ||
[5 Dec. 1989]
Liliana Pavel （17）， resident in Salajan sector 3. Observed Tuesday evening in the stairwell. Pavel exited Florescu family apartment with her brother, Alex Pavel （21）。 Liliana began to cry and argue with her brother. Crying and argument escalated. Liliana insisted to her brother that Cristian （Florescu） was different, that no one could understand, and to leave her. Alex Pavel then departed.
Shortly thereafter, Cristian Florescu （17） exited the apartment and began a private conversation with Luca Oprea （17） pertaining to discovery of mutual relationship with Liliana Pavel. Unbeknownst to both boys, Liliana Pavel remained hiding in the stairwell, listening. Conversation escalated into an argument in which Florescu accused Oprea of informing on Pavel.
Liliana fled from the stairwell just prior to Oprea departing. In a fit of anger, Florescu proceeded to damage Party property.
As Florescu broke a chair, target BARBARA appeared in the hallway and spoke （undecipherable） to Florescu in an attempt to calm him.
48
PATRUZECI ?I OPT
A human pendulum.
That’s what I felt like. Swinging between fear, sadness, confusion, and rage.