In that moment she hated Alfie. Hated his brutal honesty as her hope bled away. “So given the choice between love and wealth, you’d choose wealth?” she asked, her voice stiff with anger.
“I already confessed that I’m shallow, Eve. I’m sorry.”
“And I’m very sorry for you. A simple life with someone you love can be every bit as wonderful as a life with . . . all of this.” She gestured to the opulent room. “Do you think your parents’ wealth made them happy?”
“I know it didn’t.” He lifted the bottle and took a long swallow, grimacing as he lowered it again. “I know I can’t expect you to wait for me. But if you’re willing . . . if you let me remain a bachelor until I get my inheritance, then I’ll be free to marry you.”
“What sort of man will you be by then?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like myself very much now, so what’s the difference? That’s why I need this.” He held up the bottle for a moment. “And it’s why I need you.”
“If you need to drink in order to live with yourself, what good is it to be rich?”
“You’re asking impossible questions. Just kiss me, Eve. I’m a better man when I’m with you.” She let him pull her close and kiss her, tasting the whiskey on his breath. And for a few beautiful, floating moments, nothing else mattered. She loved him. And Alfie loved her. She lost herself in the sheer joy of it.
When the kiss ended, she caressed his face, loving the rough feel of his whiskers. They glinted like amber in the firelight. “You’re a better man than you think, Alfie.”
He shook his head. “When I was in Belgium, every day seemed like my last. I was certain I was going to die. I watched so many others die, better men than me . . . The truth is, I don’t think I’ll survive this war.”
“Don’t say that!”
“That’s why I’m determined to make the most of every day I have.” He set the bottle on the floor again and cupped her face in his hands. “My leave is nearly over. Can’t we share one precious night of happiness together?”
“You mean sleep with you?”
He nodded. Eve couldn’t deny the passion she felt for him, burning bright and hot like the coals in the fireplace. She imagined her joy in being engulfed in each other’s arms, each other’s love. So many people already had died in this war, and who knew if she and Alfie would survive it? Why not give this last night to each other? Oh, how she longed to! And yet she couldn’t. She shook her head. Tears slid down her face as she tried to explain. “All I have is myself, Alfie. I can’t give that to you or to any man unless I know I’m getting all of him in return. It wouldn’t be a fair exchange. I would give you everything—and I’d have nothing.”
“It wouldn’t be like that.”
“You just told me that you love something else more than you love me. You admitted that I don’t have all of your heart.”
“Eve, listen—”
“I need to go to bed, Alfie. I’m returning to London tomorrow.” She wiggled out of his embrace and stood. “I’m going to believe that you’ll change. That you’ll find yourself and choose love in the end, not money. For now, it’s enough to know that you do love me, even if I take second place in your heart.”
He grabbed her hand to stop her. “Will you be at Mother’s funeral tomorrow with Audrey and me?”
“I can’t. My mum died because of her. I already told Audrey I wasn’t coming. She understands. You need to be with her, Alfie, not me. She loves you so much. You’re all she has. Please be good and kind to her. Don’t start drinking until you get back to your Army base.”
“So we’re saying goodbye now?”
“Not goodbye—until next time.” She bent and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him as if it were the last time, praying it wouldn’t be. “I’m going to write to you every chance I get, even if you hardly ever write back. I love you so much, Alfie.”
He didn’t try to follow her as she crossed to the door. She turned for one last glimpse of him and saw him lift the bottle to his lips.
Audrey rose before dawn and dressed quickly. Eve was leaving early this morning, and there were things she wanted to say to her. Things she needed to say. She found Eve down in the basement kitchen having a cup of tea.
“You’re up early,” Eve said.
“I want to drive you to the train station.”