He reached up, slowly, with his free hand, and tugged his mask back into place over his nose.
Reagan watched him through the fog of her own breath.
Then she reached up, with her own free hand, to touch his cloth-covered cheek.
He didn’t move away.
She pulled his mask down. Slowly. Deliberately. Under his soft chin.
Mason watched her face. He wasn’t smiling, but she could still see his two front teeth.
Reagan made a fist in the suede collar of his coat and pulled herself closer to him.
His head dipped forward, more fiercely than she was expecting, to kiss her.
She closed her eyes and just let it happen for a few seconds—he was kissing her. He was in her space. Past her perimeter. This was the second person to touch her today. The second person in ten months. （If Reagan had known in February what was coming, she would have thrown her body into more arms.） （She didn’t need people the way other people needed people, but she still needed . . . something.） Mason squeezed her arm. She felt herself waking up. She pulled hard on his collar and kissed him hungrily—he tasted green. God. God damn it. He wrapped his arm around her waist and held her even closer. They were both wearing thick coats. Reagan was still wearing her ankle boots. Her feet were drenched. That deer was probably long gone. God damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
Mason pulled his mouth away. “Hey,” he whispered. “Are you okay?”
Reagan was fine.
“Reagan . . .”
She was fine. She was alive. She was lucky.
“You’re crying,” he said, loosening his arm, letting go of her elbow. “I’m sorry . . .”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not . . .” She didn’t have the rest of that sentence. She was at a loss for everything. Mason was just standing there, with Reagan’s hand holding his collar. She pushed her face into his shoulder.
“All right,” he said, touching her back again gently. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t. It maybe never would be. Reagan was crying like . . . like she was someone else. Someone she’d judge too harshly to pity.
“All right,” Mason was whispering.
Reagan let go of his collar. She lifted her head. She looked up at his face. She didn’t remember him from high school. She shook her head but couldn’t find anything useful in it.
She took a step away from him and thought about apologizing, but she wasn’t sure how. She ran back toward the house, past the deck and around the front.
When she rang the doorbell, her grandpa answered it.
Christmas 2021
The house was full of Reagan’s relatives.
It still felt surreal to Reagan, to be this close to people. It still felt unsafe.
But her grandfather had decided it was probably as safe as it was going to get. Half the family was vaccinated, he argued, and the other half had already had Covid—a few of them had had both. “I’m tired of waiting for it to get better, honey. It feels like we should all get together before it gets worse.”
Grandpa had just gotten his booster shot, and he was feeling invincible.
Reagan couldn’t imagine that feeling.
She’d spent too much of the last two years feeling paranoid and vulnerable. She’d gotten through Thanksgiving at her mom’s house by sitting next to an open window. And she got through most other social situations by avoiding them. She was still working remotely, by choice. And she still used the drive-up lane for groceries.
She’d tried going out with her friends a few times, this summer, when the future had felt brighter—but even then, it was hard not to look around a crowded bar and wonder how everyone there had spent the last year. Had they been the ones making it all worse?
Her friends said she was bitter. Levi said she had PTSD.
“I’m not so sure about that P,” Reagan told him. （Easy for Levi to shrug it all off. He was surrounded by fresh air and bison.） Her family wouldn’t even talk to her about Covid anymore. Reagan’s sister Caitlin had been down for about two months this spring, and she was still having trouble climbing stairs—but she’d told Reagan to stop checking in with her. “I can feel you judging me.”
Reagan didn’t know how to tell her sister that she only sort of judged her. That she wished Caitlin had been more careful, but that she also didn’t believe that being careful was enough. And more than all that, she was just worried about her. She was constantly worried about all of them.
Reagan’s mother had called the week before Christmas to make sure Reagan was coming home. “You worry too much,” her mom said. “The CDC says the risk for vaccinated people—”