When we get to Angel’s room, there are already about fifteen people inside. Jon’s nowhere to be seen yet, even though we texted him when Zach got to my room.
The main lights are off, with only the lamps and the bathroom still lit. The music’s at a reasonable volume—for now—and most people are chilling on the bed, chairs, or simply on the floor, their faces cast in shadows. There’s a few people I recognize: Ella, Kellin, and Ted, of course, along with Daniel Crafers and Brianna Smith, both actors in their early twenties. I’ve interacted with both of them on Instagram a few times.
“Hey, you two,” Ella says as we approach her on the floor, rolling forward to pour some vodka into plastic cups. “Welcome to République fran?aise.”
“Oh, do you live here, now?” I accept a cup.
“No, my love, we’re here for the four of you.”
I raise my drink in cheers. “Maybe we should be welcoming you to France, then?”
Angel appears from thin air, swaying on his feet. “Ruben, are you being sassy to the guests?”
“Yes, he is.” Ella pouts, twirling a strand of dark brown hair around her finger.
Angel points at Zach and me. “Chug. It’ll make you nicer.”
“Speaking of the four of us,” Zach says, instead of drinking. “Where’s Jon?”
Angel pulls a face. “Hopefully staying away in protest.”
“All the wonderful flavors out there, and you choose salty,” Ella laughs. Someone turns the music up, and the vibe of the room changes. It’s less chill catch-up, more nightclub. The bass vibrates through the floor and up through my fingertips, pulsing in my blood.
“I’m not salty,” Angel says, plopping hard onto the floor between Brianna and me. He has to half-shout to be heard. “If I were, it’d involve Ruben, and I don’t have a thing against my little Ruby, bless his heart.”
“You’ll always be the sexiest man on earth to me,” Ella says to Angel, and Angel looks not-so-subtly pleased. She pours an extra few shots in his glass, as a “congratulations for being sexy” prize, I guess.
“I mean, we’re right here,” Zach jokes to me, but I have a feeling there’s truth hovering beneath his lighthearted tone.
“Yeah, you’re breaking our hearts, Ella,” I join in.
Ella laughs, tinkling and light. “From what I hear, I’m the last person who’d have a shot at breaking your heart, Ruben,” she says. “You might have more luck with Levi over there.” She nods over to an unfamiliar blond guy standing by the bathroom door with Ted. “Shall I introduce you?”
I can’t say I’m surprised she knows. Once someone’s out to their team, their sexuality tends to be a bit of an open secret in the music industry, but the unspoken agreement is that what insiders know stays on the inside. The amount of money that gets spent per year on bribes and lawsuits shutting down front-page outings is eye-watering. It keeps the media in line, more or less. At least, as far as photographic proof goes. And any other celebrity will swear up and down that you’re straight if they’re asked about you—not least because they generally have plenty of dirty secrets of their own. But it’s more than that. It’s a community thing. A morality thing. An us-versus-them thing.
Too bad I don’t actually want it to be a secret.
“Let’s see where the night goes,” I say, and she scrunches her nose at me cheekily.
Zach shoots a sharp, sideways look my way. He’s historically been funny about me seeing guys. Zach’s kind of a less-wired version of Jon when it comes to following the rules; he doesn’t want drama, and he worries that I’ll get with the wrong person and they’ll go to the media or something and cause a scandal. Essentially, he doesn’t trust me to be discreet. I prefer to think of it as flattering that he’s protective over me, rather than irritating that he doesn’t trust my judgement.
That, and it’s hard to be annoyed at him when I’ve never told him that I even want to be out, not in so many words. As far as he’s concerned, he’s on my side, protecting my secret, not Chorus’s.
“Who’s going to break Zach’s heart, then?” Angel asks, tapping on the bottom of Zach’s cup. Drink. Zach obeys.
“Honestly?” Ella says. “Pick of the bunch. Who would you like to break your heart, Zach? I’m sure no one here would turn down the challenge.”
The colors in the room seem to lose their vibrancy, all of a sudden. I hop up. “I’m gonna go check on Jon,” I say.