I hold completely still. Frozen.
There’s a flash, then the photographer lowers her camera and smiles.
“Got it.”
* * *
The second I get back to my hotel room, I lock the door behind me and call Mom.
Normally, we set up times for us to talk every few days. We aren’t supposed to call for another two days, but I can’t wait that long. I don’t even know exactly what time it is in the States right now, but I just have to hope that it’s okay, and that she’ll answer.
Come on, pick up, pick up …
The call goes through.
“Hello!” says Mom. I instantly feel lighter than I have all day. “How are you?”
“I’m good, how are you?”
“Yeah, good, what’s up?”
“Nothing much, just calling to say hi.”
I sit down on the end of my bed. Even though it should be fine, I try to keep my voice down, because I know I’m sharing a wall with Jon right now.
“How was the Sistine Chapel?”
“Really cool. This isn’t a bad time, is it?”
“No, I was just getting ready for bed, it’s fine. Have you been watching The Bachelor? I just got caught up.”
“I haven’t, I’ve been too busy. I want to, though.”
“You need to work on your priorities.”
I laugh, more because I know that she expects it than because I want to. “I know.”
“So how is the tour? Fans are saying it’s one of your best shows ever.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Actually, um, it’s been harder than I thought it’d be.”
“Oh, in what way?”
“I dunno. I think we’re just all really tired. It’s nonstop.”
“I bet. Your schedule is bananas.”
“Yeah. And, um, there’s some drama going on with the band, and it’s really getting to me.”
I tear up just saying it.
“What kind of drama?”
“We’re all really tense with each other. Like I keep saying the wrong thing and making people mad.”
“Oh. That’s awful, I’m sorry.”
I force a smile, even though she can’t see it. “It is what it is.”
“But honestly, Zach, it’s surprising that it’s taken this long. If you make anyone spend as much time together as you four have there are sure to be disagreements.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m guessing a lot of the tension is coming from Ruben?”
I freeze. “What makes you say that?”
“Oh! Um. I mean, I saw some talk online, and put two and two together. Is it true?”
“Yep. He won’t even look at me.”
“That doesn’t sound like him.”
“I know. I think I might’ve upset him.”
“And now that doesn’t sound like you.”
“Yeah, but things have been … different lately. I might’ve said something wrong accidentally or something. I don’t know.”
“Have you tried apologizing?”
“Yeah. He said I haven’t done anything wrong. But he’s treating me like we’re not even friends, and I don’t know what he wants from me. Or, I do, but it’s not really … it’s not something I’m sure I can give him.”
“Oh, wow. Did he try and hit on you?”
I can tell from her voice she already thinks he did. If I don’t cover this up, she’s going to figure out what we did. Mom has always been scarily astute; she knew Hannah and I were into each other even when I introduced her as just a friend. This conversation is suddenly a danger zone, and I need to get the fuck out.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Well, if he made a move and you turned him down, then he started giving you the silent treatment, that’s on him, not on you.”
“But…”
“No buts. You don’t owe him anything, it’s really important to me that you know that.”
“I know.”
I want to find some way, any way, to fix this conversation. Because now I’m throwing Ruben under the bus when I know he hasn’t done anything wrong, and it’s making me feel sick. Mom will remember this, and it will forever shape how she feels about Ruben.
“Listen,” she says. “I know you, and I know you wouldn’t ever say anything to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I’m sure you handled turning him down with grace. So if Ruben is being cold to you, it says more about him than it does about you.”