“You guys are different.” I paused at the door without opening it, staring at my reflection in the glass. “It wouldn’t have worked for us. She’s too young for me. We’re at completely different stages of life. I’ve already done the marriage and family thing, and I fucked it up. Now I’m trying to be the best possible single dad I can be, and I’ve got no room in my life for anything else.”
“Okay.”
“Asking her to give up her dream job just to be with me when I can’t offer her the future she wants would have been unfair.”
“Okay.”
“It’s not because I’m scared.”
He hesitated. “Okay.”
“No matter what my sister says. It’s not because I’m scared. It’s because I’m strong.”
My brother-in-law remained silent.
I kept staring at myself in the glass. “I’m not in love with her. I don’t need her in my life. I’ll be fine without her.” I swallowed. “Eventually.”
“Okay, brother.” Justin put a hand on my shoulder. “Maybe you should go inside and scrub some toilets or something. It’ll take your mind off this.”
I grabbed the door handle and yanked it open.
Hallie grabbed the coffee mug off the shelf at the gift shop and held it up. “See Daddy? Isn’t it cute?”
It was cute. It had a cartoon of a cat with a thick Freddie Mercury mustache on it, wearing tight pants and a yellow jacket, one paw in the air, one holding a mic stand. Beneath the drawing it said Don’t stop meow. But I couldn’t even smile. “Yeah.”
“It’s so that she won’t forget us,” said Luna excitedly, bouncing around and knocking into things on the shelves. “Every day she can use her mug and think of us.”
I cleared my throat. “She’ll love it. Come on, before you break something.”
We paid for the mug and left the shop, wandering down the block toward the car. My feet felt heavy and slow as I dragged them through the fallen leaves on the sidewalk. A small moving truck had been parked in Winnie’s driveway all morning, and I’d been fucking miserable watching all her furniture disappear inside it.
“Can we bring it over to her when we get home, Daddy?” Luna asked, scuffing her heels through the crunchy brown and yellow leaves.
“If she’s there.”
“I hope she is!” Hallie hurried ahead to the car and tugged at the door handle. “Let’s hurry.”
When we pulled into the complex, we saw that Winnie’s garage door was open, and she was loading a suitcase into her trunk.
At the sight of her, my heart caromed in my chest and I nearly side-swiped another vehicle—I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She wore jeans and a fuzzy white sweater that looked soft and cozy. Her hair was tucked into a nest on the top of her head. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close, bury my face in her neck and beg her not to go. Tearing my eyes away, I pulled into our garage and turned off the car. Took a deep breath.
“Can we give it to her now, Daddy?” Hallie was already unbuckling her seatbelt.
“I guess so.” Steeling myself, I helped Luna out of the car. They grabbed the gift shop bag and went racing out of the garage.
Slowly, I collected their backpacks from the back seat, stuck them inside the back hallway, and made my way out of the garage. As I walked across to Winnie’s driveway, I could hear a delighted squeal of surprise—Winnie’s—and childish laughter.
“Oh my goodness, I love it!” Winnie’s entire face was lit up as she looked at the mug. “Thank you so much.”
I watched as she gave them each a hug, feeling jealous and hating myself for it. She noticed me approaching over Hallie’s shoulder, and her face changed immediately, the smile fading into nothing.
“Hey, Dex,” she said coolly, placing the mug back in the bag.
“Hey, Win.” I stuck my hands in my pockets. “You like your gift?”
“I love it.” She looked at the girls before smiling again and holding the bag to her chest. “I promise to use it every day. And I’m so happy you came by, because I have something for you too.”
Hallie and Luna exchanged an excited glance. “You do?”
“Yes. Want to come inside?”
They looked at me. “Can we, Daddy?” Hallie asked.
“Sure. I can wait out here.”
Winnie met my eyes, hers carefully neutral. “You can come in too.” She shrugged. “If you want.”