She knew how to play this now. She wasn’t going to ask him for anything, she determined. If he wanted to offer to help then she would hear what he had to say, but she wasn’t going to beg. However, it seemed that he had no such intentions.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘That’s good. And she’s been well?’
Angie nodded.
He put a hand to his chin to rub at the stubble that was no longer there and instead ran his palm over his hair and round the back of his neck.
‘God, it’s good to see you, Ange,’ he said. ‘I’ve missed you. I really have.’
‘Not so much that you’d actually do something about it though,’ she replied tartly. ‘We’ve been here the whole time, you know. You could have come before now.’
He dropped his gaze to the floor. ‘I know, but I didn’t know how it would be,’ he said. ‘Whether you’d want to see me.’
‘You could have asked. Our baby is almost two months old and you’ve rung twice. Twice!’ Her voice was louder than she intended, and she checked herself. Shouting at him would achieve nothing and might upset Romany.
‘Yes, I’m sorry. I truly am. It’s just that . . .’ He took a deep breath, his eyes now rolling up to look at the ceiling. Anywhere but at her, Angie thought. ‘The thing is,’ he continued, ‘the thing is, I met someone else. There’s someone else.’
The pain was instantaneous and real, as if someone had taken aim and fired a bullet straight into her chest. For a second she couldn’t take in any oxygen; all her airways seemed blocked and panic shot through her as she struggled to breathe. In all those times when she had thought about him and why he hadn’t been in touch, knowing she was caring for their child on her own, the possibility that he might be in a new relationship had never occurred to her. She had assumed that the silence was because he was trying to get his head around the fact of Romany, and that when he had, he would come back and they would rebuild something going forward, an understanding between them that reflected their new status as parents. She had even hoped that they might get back to something of the way they had been before, given time. She still loved him, in her own, slightly dysfunctional way. She had thought that she might love him even more, now that he was the father of her baby.
But he loved someone else.
The whole time she had been suffering, wallowing in his silence and trying to interpret it, he had been happily tucked up with another. He had not been struggling to get his feelings in order or wondering how best to approach this new part of their life together, or any of the many other options that she had played out in her head. No, he was just in love, plain and simple. There had been barely any word from him because he was too busy screwing another woman.
Angie wouldn’t cry. Not only would she not give him the satisfaction of it, but there were no tears to be had within her. She had learned that years ago – if you cried, or showed any kind of weakness, then someone else would step in and take advantage whilst your mind was elsewhere.
‘Right,’ she said instead. She wouldn’t ask him for details, wouldn’t give him the chance to absolve his guilt by trying to explain himself, but it seemed that she couldn’t stop him telling her.
‘I went back to college,’ he said. ‘To get some skills, so I can get a job. I met Sam there and we just kind of clicked.’
Angie couldn’t care less about how they had ‘clicked’。 She didn’t care about his college course and she didn’t care about Sam. All that mattered now was her and Romany.
‘That’s that then,’ she said. ‘Well, you’d better go.’ She stood up to indicate that the conversation had come to an end.
Jax looked surprised. ‘What? Just like that? But I’ve come all this way.’
‘Not my problem,’ replied Angie.
‘Can’t I even hold her?’
Angie tightened her hold around her daughter. All her instincts were screaming at her to protect her child. But then she remembered her own parents, how her mother had driven her father away before she had had the chance to form any memories of him, and then driven her away too. She thought of her freshly minted promise to Romany that she would not let history repeat itself, that she would always be the best mother that she could be. Jax had let her down. He had let her down in ways that she couldn’t even begin to get her head round just yet. But that was between her and Jax. It was nothing to do with Romany. Jax would always be her father, no matter what happened between the two of them.