It wouldn’t be forever, she told herself. It was October already and the arrangement was that he would leave once her exams were finished in June. But when she counted down the weeks on her calendar it felt like an impossibly long time.
41
‘Now, I don’t want you to worry,’ said Romany’s form tutor. ‘You still have plenty of time. The deadline isn’t for months yet. But we do find that it helps students to focus on their coursework when their UCAS applications have been finished and sent off.’
Romany wanted to cry. Didn’t she have enough to deal with? She knew what subject she wanted to study and where she wanted to go. Those decisions had been hard enough with everything else that had been going on. Wouldn’t that do? Why did she now have to go through all the hassle of actually filling in forms? Surely it would be simpler for everyone if she sent Durham an email explaining that this was what she wanted, and they would just say okay? Then she could just get on with the job of trying to get the grades.
It didn’t work like that, though. She had to fill in the form and write a personal statement to convince Durham that she was passionate about her subject and that they would be foolish to miss the opportunity of teaching her.
Unfortunately, this task was currently beyond her. She didn’t have the bandwidth for it. It was sitting pretty in the ‘too hard to achieve’ box. She had tried to make a start. There was a new folder on her laptop that contained a document handily titled ‘Personal Statement’， but every time she opened it and stared at the white page and its little blinking cursor her mind went blank. What could she possibly say about herself? What did she have to offer somewhere as prestigious as Durham University? She had never even been to Durham, but somehow she knew that that was where she needed to be. In Durham, she wouldn’t be the girl with the lost father and the dead mother. She would simply be Romany Osborne, biochemistry student, just like all the others.
Before her mum died, she had booked them on to the Open Day just like she was supposed to, but then her mum hadn’t felt that well on the day and they had put it off, saying to one another that they would go to the one in September instead. They hadn’t known then that there would barely be a September.
If Mum had been there, she would have helped her write something good for the form. Then again, if Mum had been here, she would have been able to do it by herself, because she would have been able get her thoughts to align themselves neatly in her head without everything becoming muddled and confused.
‘It won’t take too long once you start,’ said her tutor, cutting across her thoughts. She was speaking in that gentle voice that everyone seemed to use to her these days, the one that made Romany want to scream at them to stop treating her like a victim. ‘At least, you know where you want to go and which course, so that’s half the battle.’ She gave Romany a wan smile and Romany almost felt sorry for the woman. She doesn’t know what to say either, she thought. She’s probably been dreading this conversation for weeks, talked to her husband about it over a glass of wine in the evenings. ‘I have this poor girl in my Year 13 tutor group. Her mum has just died. It’s so tragic. Doesn’t it break your heart?’
That’s what Romany had become – a person who broke other people’s hearts. But that was going to change. She had to get a grip and show them all that she didn’t need their sympathy, that she was just the same person she had been before. And then maybe people would stop pussyfooting around her. It was her mum who had died, after all, and not her.
‘And I’m here to help you,’ her tutor continued. ‘If we work together, then I’m sure we can get this done and off in no time at all.’
‘Thank you,’ replied Romany, looking up and meeting her tutor’s eye for the first time in the conversation. ‘But it’s okay. I have someone who can help.’
At lunchtime she texted Maggie. Maggie was the one her mum had left in charge of this kind of stuff, so it was time for her to step up. And anyway, she liked Maggie a whole lot more than she liked her tutor.
Hi Auntie Maggie. Can you help me with my UCAS form please? R x
The text came straight back.
Of course. Are you still looking at biochemistry? I’ll do some research and we can go through it together. This evening?
Her mum was right. Maggie was possibly the most efficient person in the world.
Great. Come round after work.
Maggie turned up at ten past six with a selection box from Hotel Chocolat and a huge smile. She gave Romany a quick hug – nothing too showy or tear-inducing – and handed her the chocolates.