“For once, I wish she had a little more of that,” Hamish said, and they both laughed. “She’s incredible on-screen, and she has no idea that she is, which makes it even better.” They both agreed that she had the makings of a major star, in whichever discipline she chose. Hamish hoped it would be acting, but Antonia wasn’t convinced yet, and he was well aware that she was doing the next film just for him, and had no great desire of her own. She wanted to write, which was another way for her to hide and be retiring. All her emotion would go into her writing, and not her face, which felt much more naked to her, and somewhat frightening. If the audiences or the critics hated her acting, they would be rejecting her as a person. And she had endured that all her life, from her parents. She didn’t want more of that even with Hamish’s protection. But whatever direction she chose, Hamish knew she had talent.
* * *
—
Hamish hired a drama coach for her before he left New York. He wanted Antonia to work with the script. There would be many changes before the final version they shot with, but he wanted the character to become part of her, so that her performance would be seamless when they started shooting in June. She had five months to work on it until she felt more like the character than herself. Great actors spent months preparing for a film, until they had absorbed the character they would be playing. It was part of the skill she’d have to learn, and Hamish was confident she would.
Once Hamish went back to England, he called her every day, and she had all her senior projects to complete and classes to finish successfully before she graduated in May. She and Jake spent long hours in the library studying together, and she stayed well below the radar and avoided the press. The paparazzi were on the lookout for her, and she slipped right through their fingers.
She and Jake were both already sad thinking about not being together on a daily basis anymore after graduation. He had become like a brother to her. But she was going to England to make the movie, and planned to stay in London afterward to be with Hamish. Jake had promised to come visit her, but that wasn’t the same thing as seeing each other every day. They were moving on to grown-up lives and the next step in their budding careers.
She broke the silence with her father to tell him about the movie she would be filming in June. It seemed only right to advise him, and it was a respectable production and an important role. Hamish even thought she could win an Oscar for it.
Antonia met her father at the apartment to tell him, and Lara was there, hoping to soften things if he didn’t take it well. Antonia’s admission unleashed a torrent of insults, abuse, and accusations yet again. In essence, he told her that if he’d known she was going to pursue a career as an actress, which she had promised not to, he would never have paid for her to go to NYU, and he didn’t want to see her again. He told her again that she was well on the way to becoming a tramp like her mother and it was obviously in her genes. Unlike Fabienne, Antonia had been moderate, proper, moral, honest, and well-behaved all her life. She had never been involved in drug use, been casual or promiscuous about sex, although Fabienne was older when she fell into those bad behaviors, but Antonia had never given him a moment of concern right through college, and that hadn’t changed. She now had a serious relationship, with a highly acclaimed and decent man, and Brandon accused her of sleeping with him to get the part.
There were tears in her eyes when she left the apartment, and she felt sick to her stomach, and so did Lara. They both could see that her father was incapable of being fair to her wherever an acting career was involved, or anything that reminded him of Antonia’s mother. He was obsessed with his own visions of immorality and drug abuse, and promiscuity. He could not conceive, or believe, that Antonia could still be a decent person and work as an actress. There was no point even talking to him about it.
She went back to the apartment when she knew he wouldn’t be there, and packed some things she wanted to send to London. Lara met her there and helped her. She left only a few mementos of her childhood at her father’s apartment. She couldn’t imagine going there again, nor could Lara. They continued to meet for lunch downtown near school, and went to the movies together once in a while, but Antonia didn’t have much time in her last months of school.
Hamish flew in roughly once a month for a weekend with her, when she wasn’t overwhelmed with writing assignments, senior projects, or exams. She wanted to graduate with honors, and kept her grades up till the end.
She debated about inviting her father to her graduation, and finally decided that she should since he had paid for her education, no matter what he thought of it, and of her, now. In the end she sent the invitation, and Lara accepted with joy. Brandon threw it in the wastebasket when he saw it.