* * *
—
When Olympia was fourteen and Dash sixteen, she took them on a photographic safari to Africa. It was life-changing for Dash. He fell in love with the animals in the wild. Olympia complained about every moment of the trip. The bathrooms, the tents, the heat, the guides, she thought the food was disgusting. She was terrified of the bugs and snakes, her hair went limp in the heat, and she ran out of her favorite shampoo and conditioner, a catastrophic event. She made everyone’s, and particularly her mother’s, life a living hell on the trip.
She went to drama camp when they got back, which suited her much better. And Dash told his mother after their trip that he knew what he wanted to do with his future. He wanted to be a vet on a game preserve in Africa, and specialize in endangered species in veterinary school. She could see that he meant it. He was a dreamer, but he was determined and persevering, and she told him that everyone should have a dream and follow it. He took her advice to heart, and wrote a paper about their trip and what his dream was when he got back to school.
Olympia came back from drama camp more difficult than ever, heading like a heat-seeking missile for the stage.
Faithful to his goals, two years later, Dash left to attend UC Davis in California, headed for veterinary school as a graduate student. It had one of the best veterinary schools in the country. And Olympia was the star of her high school drama club senior year. She was refusing to apply to college and wanted to go straight into acting at eighteen.
She begged her mother for a part in one of her movies, which Antonia refused.
“If you’re serious about it, the first movie you’re in needs to be someone else’s. You won’t learn anything from me, but you will from someone else.” Olympia sensed that she was right, and stopped arguing about it. Antonia told her that there would be plenty of time to work together later on, if she was really intent on an acting career, as she appeared to be. Nothing would stop her if that was the case.
As hard as it was to believe, Antonia had been widowed for seventeen years by then. There had been no man in her life since Hamish, and she didn’t really want one. She never thought about it. She was busy directing films, and spending time with her children, with no time for anything else. She was forty-two years old, and she had changed very little. She was still tiny and slim with long blond hair. She didn’t feel any different, and she still missed Hamish, and was grateful for the years they had shared. She thought it would be hard to adjust to someone else by then, and didn’t want to try. She had never met a man who measured up to him. And ever since his death, she had kept well out of the public eye. She had become invisible again, which suited her better. She had no one to keep her safe except herself, so she did what felt best to her. She couldn’t imagine her life run by a man again, even one as loving as Hamish was. She had trusted him completely, but no man since.
She and Fred argued about it at times. He wished, for her sake, that she was willing to have more in her life than just her children and work, but she wasn’t. She was comfortable as she was, too comfortable, in his opinion. She always told him that a man would distract her from her work, and upset her children.
“Your children are grown-ups, for chrissake,” he had said to her recently, when she came to his office to sign a contract.
“No, they’re not, but they’re getting there.”
“Dash is away at college, and Olympia will be out in the world next year, if she doesn’t go to college. That’s pretty damn grown up. And you’ll be alone, with nothing in your life but work. Is that what you want?”
“It’s how things worked out. I’m okay with it,” she said peacefully. She was content with her life. She treasured the three years she’d had with Hamish and knew that nothing else would ever come close to that.
“You’re still a beautiful woman, Antonia. Don’t waste it.”
“What are you suggesting? Billboards and signs on bathroom walls?” She laughed at him.
“You’re still young, for God’s sake. Enjoy it. Live it. Stop hiding. Hamish wouldn’t have wanted you to bury yourself.”
“I’m not buried or hiding, Fred. I’m just comfortable, and I’m busy.” She was, but she was also alone, with her memories of the only man she’d ever loved.
“You’re goddamn hiding and you know it, you’re invisible,” Fred said bluntly.
She smiled when he said it. “It’s a choice.”
“It’s a bad choice. You’re one of the most beautiful women on the planet. It’s a crime to waste that.” She kissed him on the cheek, then signed the contract she had come for, and left his office a few minutes later, to go back to the farm. It had been a refuge for her for so long.