She nods quickly. “It’s really good. You should read it.”
“You still haven’t read it?” Brook asks. She’s swiping her finger on the bottom of the pie plate.
“No.” And I have to admit, I’m embarrassed by that fact. Why haven’t I read his comic?
Brook shakes her head. “Gemma. Read his comic.”
But I’m thinking about something else. “What if…what if he says that he doesn’t feel the same way?” I voice my biggest fear out loud.
But neither of them have to answer, because I already know. I take a breath. “It’s okay,” I say. “If he doesn’t, I’m still glad to have loved.”
Brook pats her hand against my thigh. “Thatta girl. Also, I had a client once in a similar situation, she took a meat cleaver—”
“Brook!” Hannah stands and shakes her head. “I’m going home. The pie’s gone and I have an hour of fertility meditations and fertility yoga before bed.”
Brook and I stand too, and I grab the empty box and the plates and cups.
Hannah digs around in her purse while I do, then she makes a happy sound and holds a piece of paper out for me. “I printed this out the other day. It might give you courage.”
I take the folded, crumpled paper and open it up. It’s a computer print-out of a single frame comic, with Josh’s signature and date at the bottom. It’s from just before Valentine’s Day. The panel shows a man staring into the distance. His expression is forlorn. The words say, ‘I’ve never regretted the doing. Only the not doing.’
My heart thumps in my chest.
Josh drew this right after my transfer.
And then Ian quoted it to him.
“Who is this?” I ask, pointing at the man.
“That’s Grim. The main character in Josh’s comic.” She closes her purse and starts walking out.
Brook and I follow.
“You’ve read it?” I ask Brook.
She rolls her eyes. “Duh. I’m one of those freaks in costume, waiting to get my comic book signed.”
I give a surprised laugh. Then I squeeze her in another quick hug. “You’re going to be a good mom,” I tell her.
She gives me a watery smile. “Obviously. I quit smoking, my husband has magic ice sperm, I won my last case. I can do anything.”
I laugh.
Hannah calls from the stairs, “Come on. The rats are looking at me from the dark, it’s creepy. Next time, we really should meet at the Ritz.”
“Huh,” Brook says.
Then, we all look at each other and say, “Nah.”
Instead of parting ways, we walk to the subway together. It’s nearly March and the weather is warming up. I tilt my face up to the night sky.
It’s been a good day. I quit my job, got Josh’s journal back for him, apologized to my friends and found the courage that I didn’t know I had.
I finger the printed copy of Josh’s comic in my pocket.
I’ve never regretted the doing.
30
I spent the entire night reading seven years’ worth of comics. And after nearly twelve hours of reading, three things are obvious. One, Josh is a genius. Two, he needs a social media marketing coordinator for his legion of fans. Three, he loves me.
He really, really loves me.
Halfway through the series I grabbed my purse and coat, hailed a taxi to Grand Central and caught the early morning commuter train north.
I stare at the last entry. Josh uploaded it last night.
The main character Grim is traveling across the galaxy, leaving behind any hope of being with the woman he’s wanted for so long. He’ll be gone for a year if not more. The last panel shows a picture of Grim and Jewel an entire galaxy apart.
I’m Jewel.
I’m the girl in Josh’s comics.
When Hannah and Brook wanted to know if Grim would ever end up with Jewel and Josh looked at me and said he didn’t know, it’s because he was waiting on me to answer him.
He’s been writing me a love letter for years, and I never knew.
I never knew.
The train slows to a stop at my station. I grab my purse and coat and jump to the platform. Josh’s dad’s place is only a half mile from the station, so instead of catching a taxi, I run. Because you know what? When you realize you love someone and that you want to spend the rest of forever with them, you want forever to start right now.
So, I run.
Josh doesn’t answer. I knock and knock and knock, but he doesn’t answer. The lights in the house aren’t on and the door isn’t unlocked （like usual）。 The spare key isn’t under the mat. I knock some more. Then I pull out my cellphone and dial Josh’s number.