When I take a deep breath and stare into the camera black dots dance in my vision. A sharp cramp stabs my abdomen. I shake my head and clear my throat again.
“Welcome to the Live Your Best Life Virtual Conference,” I begin. My voice sounds like I’m speaking through a long tube. It’s far away and shaky. Another pain stabs at my abdomen. I blink away the dizziness. “We are so pleased to welcome you to the biggest event of the year, where world-renowned, self-help…”
I gasp at a sharp stabbing pain.
Ian shifts on his feet and frowns at me.
“Self-help expert and…”
I press my hand to my abdomen. It hurts. It hurts more than my period. It hurts more than…it shouldn’t hurt like this.
“Gemma,” Ian says from the side of his mouth, “what the hell is wrong with you?”
My face drains of blood and I feel cold and hot at the same time.
Ian scowls at me. He takes my arm with his hand and gives me a little shake. “Wake up. Try again, will you?”
I see Lavinia at the sound desk glare at us, then narrow her eyes on Ian. She moves over to the computer controlling the live stream.
Another wave of dizziness hits.
“Something’s wrong,” I whisper.
Ian digs his fingers into my arm. “Pull yourself together. Do your job.”
I press my hand into my abdomen and try to lessen the cramping.
I start again. “Welcome to the Live Your Best Life Virtual Conference. We are so pleased to welcome you to the biggest event of the year, where world-renowned, self-help guru Ian Fortune will help you become the best version…”
I gasp and look around the office.
Everyone is watching. The interns, the junior staff, the programmers, the videographers, they’re all watching.
“The best version of your…of your…”
Ian looks at me with his teeth barred and gestures for me to continue.
“Of yourself. The best version of yourself.”
I look around the room, at the walls covered in inspirational quotes, at the cameras and the lights, at my colleagues standing in a semi-circle, and at the monitors showing twenty-thousand participants waiting for the live stream.
My heart lurches, slows, and then gives a hard thud against my breastbone.
Then my whole body runs cold.
Because I’m bleeding.
There’s blood running down the inside of my thigh.
I’m bleeding.
I blink at the bright lights.
“Gemma, what the hell? How hard is it to give a two-minute introduction?”
“I’m bleeding,” I whisper out loud, forgetting about the lights, about the people, about everything except the fact that there’s blood running down my legs. And that means…that means…
Does that mean?
“I don’t give a shit if your arm is cut off and is a dangling, bloody stump. Pull yourself together and give me the introduction an effin’ star deserves. Are we clear?”
The room spins and I press my hand harder against my abdomen.
Don’t go, baby. Don’t. Please.
“Gemma? Are we clear? What, you need a quote? Here you go: my world is a better place because you’re in it. There ya go. Now pull your shit together.”
I look over at Ian’s face, but I don’t really see him. The room is a blur.
“Thirty seconds and we’re live,” someone calls out. “Quiet, everyone.”
“Don’t embarrass me,” Ian growls.
I barely hear him. There’s blood trickling down my legs, underneath my black stockings. The tech begins the countdown, then holds up his fingers for the last of the count.
We’re live.
I look at the camera. My face appears on the monitors.
It’s bone white and there’s a sheen of sweat on my forehead. My eyes are glazed. Ian smiles at the camera and digs his fingers into my arm.
I blink and put a bright, bright smile on my face as another cramp tears across my abdomen.
My baby. She’s not…she didn’t stick. She’s not…
“Welcome to the Live Your Best Life Conference,” I begin. “We are so pleased to welcome you to the biggest event of the year.” Black dots dance in front of my eyes and I put on a smile that I’ve seen Josh give the world a thousand times. The one that says the world is my playground, the world is here to amuse me, isn’t the world grand?
Ian clears his throat, and I keep on. “Where world-renowned, self-help guru Ian Fortune will help you become the best version of yourself.”
Another cramp hits me and I smile, and I smile and I smile. “Because when you stay positive and believe that the universe will bring good things, the universe will comply. If you ask the universe for what you want, you’ll get it. So, please give a round of applause for the man who has bettered millions of lives, because what he says is true, accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Because there’s always a silver lining. What is meant to be will be, and it is good. Ian Fortune is a wise man and I’m grateful for his words: you choose how you respond to a situation, you choose whether or not something is positive or not. I choose to make life beautiful. I choose the positive. The world is a better place because you’re in it. Thank you.”