staring at the same page for hours because my concentration was shit, thanks to that almost kiss.
God, I wanted her. It had been a long time since I’d craved a woman. Her body. Her mind. Her time. I wanted it all.
Except . . . Drake.
The kid changed everything.
Darkness crept through the house as I crawled into bed, wishing for the first time that I wasn’t beneath this roof alone.
My parents and siblings used to drop by more often. But that was before Hudson was born, and now we all seemed to congregate at Griff and Winn’s place so that he was close to his crib.
Memphis and Drake had brought life to my home.
Laughter and noise that I hadn’t even realized I’d wanted.
I hated giving cooking lessons. It was my own personal brand of torture. But for the chance to have Memphis here, just a little while longer, I’d endure.
Memphis. Her name was on my mind as I drifted off to sleep.
Memphis. I never had found out why she’d been crying when she’d come home.
And the next morning, when she came down the loft’s stairs with a bright smile, I decided not to ask.
CHAPTER NINE
MEMPHIS
Drake cried the minute I lifted him out of Jill’s arms.
“Come on, baby. Time to go home.”
Every day it seemed harder and harder to pick him up from daycare. She seemed more reluctant to let him go. And he was fussier to be swept away.
“It’s okay, Drakey.” Jill smoothed out his hair. “You have to go with your mom now. But I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The way she said your mom grated on my nerves. Like I was an intruder here, not his parent. I forced a tight smile, practically ripping him out of her reach. “Thanks, Jill.”
Drake kept crying, staring at her like she should save him.
“Have a fun night.” Her smile looked forced and tight too.
Jill was probably in her mid-twenties. Her brown hair was cut into a bob and she had these cute black-framed glasses.
When we’d met, I’d thought it was great that she was so young. Her aunt owned the daycare center and she’d been working here for years. I’d actually thought maybe we could be friends.
Now, I wanted to spend the least amount of time with her as possible.
“Bye.” I picked up the diaper bag and carried Drake to his car seat, shoving aside the Halloween costume she’d put on him to get the straps over his shoulders. The harness was too tight because this wasn’t the costume I’d put him in this morning.
Apparently my homemade lamb outfit hadn’t been good enough.
When I’d arrived five minutes ago, I’d found Drake in a pumpkin suit, complete with a green hat.
Jill had bought it herself, just for him. The other three babies in the nursery didn’t have special costumes, but Drake was her favorite and she made no qualms about showing it daily.
I doubted he’d been put down since I’d dropped him off this morning. Jill carried him constantly, so at home, when I would lay him on a play mat or put him in a bouncer just so I could go to the bathroom or try and fix a meal or change my clothes, he’d scream his tiny head off.
I’d asked her this morning to make sure he had some floor mat playtime. She’d laughed and teased that he was just too cute to let go.
Tears welled in my eyes as he cried, his voice bouncing down the hallway. The daycare center was a house the owner had converted for childcare. There were four rooms, each for different age groups.
I’d hoped that Drake could stay here, advancing to the various rooms as he got older, but I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t show up here every day, leave him with a heavy heart, then pick him up and cry on the way home because he wanted Jill, not me.
It was an entirely selfish reaction. I’d been chastising myself for weeks.
He was happy here. That’s why he cried. She spoiled him because she loved him. That wasn’t a bad thing, was it? Why did I feel this awful?
A week ago, the night Knox had made me pasta, I’d almost answered the phone when it had rung. I’d almost caved.
Yesterday had been the same. The most recent call marked 126
total. I’d declined them all. But damn, it was tempting.
I could go back to New York and live off someone else’s money. I could be a stay-at-home mom until Drake went to kindergarten. No more cleaning hotel rooms. No more eating Cup Noodles. No more budget.
No more freedom.
Don’t give up.
The snow was falling in a polka-dot curtain as I hurried Drake to the car. It had started snowing around noon, and the weather showed no signs of changing.