She bumped her elbow against my side. ‘There was nothing in the mandate about noticing, either.’
As I rummaged through my bag for the back-door key, I took another glance around my new garden, hoping it would help me to keep a grasp on the tendril of peace I’d found in the woods. I’d missed her before, but over in the farthest plot was the girl I’d seen last time I was here. She lay on her back on a pale blue blanket, angling a book above her to block out the glare of the sun. It was too far away to see clearly, but I’d recognise The Hobbit’s cover anywhere. A smart girl. Smiling, I unlocked the door, collected our things and set off to face down my own dragon.
It might seem downright deceitful that I’d already asked Karina to move in with my mother, but when over a coffee and a custard doughnut I’d first opened up about my Dream List dilemma, back in the beginning of March, she’d come right out and offered.
‘Karina,’ I’d replied with as much authority as I could muster, while at the same time wanting to fling my arms around her and shout YES PLEASE!, ‘I’ve just told you that Mum is a controlling, manipulating hypochondriac with massive abandonment issues. Did you understand what I told you about my Valentine’s Day date?’
‘Yes, I heard you.’ She beamed back at me. ‘But I’m not her daughter; she won’t have those issues with me. And have you understood what I told you about Mr Rivers? I can handle those kind of emotional fun and games, easy-peasy. She’s mostly a pleasant person, yes?’
I nodded. ‘Well, yes, but I don’t know how she’d react to me moving out. She might end up having a breakdown.’
‘Well, then we’ll have to prepare her for it, won’t we? Show her that she can have a life of her own, without you, and lead her up to it gently.’ She looked at me steadily. ‘Ollie, you saved my life. You gave me the key that opened the door to my own Dream List. To be able to use a cashpoint, or write a birthday card. I used to avoid cafés like this one because reading the menu filled me with dread. This is the least I can do to repay you.’
‘Helping you learn to read is my job, Karina. I’ve already been paid for that.’
She shook her head vigorously. ‘No. Any reading coach would have done that. But you did so much more. You gave me the confidence to believe I was worth it. In choosing me, stupid, lost little me, as your friend, you helped give me the power to change my life. I won’t sit back when I can help you do the same.’
I opened my mouth and closed it again a few times, unsure how to reply. ‘I can’t even think about letting you do this unless you know first-hand what she’s like. I’m going to tell you the good, the bad and the horrendously ugly, and then you have to meet her and get to know her for yourself, and maybe then we can think about having this conversation again. You’ve just escaped decades of a horrible relationship. I’m not going to let you walk into another one.’
Karina sagged then, and for the first time in a long while, she allowed me to see the pain and the struggle behind her smile. ‘Okay, that is sensible. But I also need to tell you that my offer isn’t as kind as it seems. I feel very lonely, living on my own. I find it frightening. Being able to read is good, but there is still so much I can’t do. I’ve made silly mistakes and my landlord is not pleased.’
I reached out and took my friend’s hand. Eventually, I was the one to break the silence:
‘Would you like to come for dinner on Wednesday?’
Now, two months later, here we were, steeling ourselves for the stealth attack. Yes, it had required some degree of manipulation, but isn’t it best to fight fire with fire?
Karina was brimming with anticipation. I was virtually crippled with anguished nerves.
‘How are you, Tina?’ Karina asked, chopping a lettuce that was waiting on the side.
‘I’m very well, thank you. My chest has been so much better these past few weeks.’ Mum opened the oven door to check if the quiche was ready. ‘How are you?’
‘Oh, not great,’ Karina replied, trying really hard not to sound like an overexcited child on Christmas Eve. ‘I’ll tell you about it while we eat.’
A few minutes later, sitting at the rickety plastic table in the garden, Karina laid out her woes. I’d hoped for a few minutes of craft-talk to lure Mum into the best possible mood, but it was clear Karina couldn’t wait.
‘I mentioned that I’ve been having some issues with my landlord.’