‘It’s not that easy, though, is it?’ Leanne shook her head. ‘Any person who’s been abused could say the same thing. Blame themselves for not walking away.’ She gave another, more vigorous shake. ‘No. I know the courage it takes to escape that, when your confidence has been shredded, one insult, one kick at a time, until you feel like less than nothing. And for me, it was some leech I’d known for five minutes. Your mum is a whole different story.’
‘I had a job, at least, and friends not too far away. Leanne, I don’t know how you’ve managed to pick yourself up from nothing, and survive this long all on your own, but I want you to know that you’ve got me as a friend.’
She raised one straggled eyebrow. ‘You might not say that if you knew me. I’m not most respectable people’s first choice of friend.’
‘Well, I don’t exactly have a lot to compare you to, so I’m prepared to take the risk. Besides,’ I added after a moment. ‘Ebenezer seems to think you’re worth looking out for. He even strung up this washing line.’
‘Ebenezer?’
‘In Middle Cottage. That’s what Joan calls him.’
Leanne slowly swivelled her head to face me. ‘Ollie, no one lives in Middle Cottage. It’s been empty for years.’
‘What?’ A spurt of adrenaline whooshed through my bloodstream as I whipped around to look at the cottage. It was when I spun back, hand clutching my chest in genuine horror, that I caught the grin on Leanne’s face.
‘You absolute cow.’
‘Told you I was a terrible friend.’
She burst out laughing, and after giving my heart a moment to start beating again, I had to join her. For no other reason than here I was, on a Saturday night, sharing a drink and a joke with yet another new person （even if I had practically forced her into it）。
Here’s what I should have learnt years ago, given my job, and my disastrous family: there are imperfect, mixed-up, complicated people everywhere. People who are simply doing the best they can to shake off whatever’s been dumped on them, pick themselves up and keep on going. I’d wasted a lot of time disqualifying myself from this grand adventure called life – I might make a mistake, take a wrong turn, fail spectacularly. The truth dawned on me that summer evening, as the sunset lit up the forest in a blaze of fire and the memories that swirled around us slowly sank into the shadows – I will make a thousand mistakes, I will take many wrong turns, and I may well fail spectacularly, along with every other person who ever lived. And when these things happen, I will shake it off and get back up again – maybe accepting a helping hand, if I need it – and I will keep on going.
Phew. A lump of fear that had been sitting in my chest for more than twenty years quietly crumbled into dust as we finished our tea.
‘Thank you,’ Leanne murmured, leaning her head against the back of the chair.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘No, I mean it. I can’t remember the last time someone did something nice for me. You hanging out with Joan, I’m dead grateful, but I know it’s for her, not me. Probably the same for cleaning and cooking dinner. But running me a bath? The candles and the fancy shampoo. That little plate of chocolates.’ She was weeping now, in heart-wrenching contrast to the violent sobs from before. Nesbit got up from where he’d been snoozing under my chair and went to lay his head on her knee. ‘That was… It made me feel, for just those few minutes, like someone didn’t think I was an invisible piece of crap. I felt… cared for. It’s a long time since someone did that without trying to get something from me in return.’
‘Like I said, you’re welcome. Please come and use my shower whenever you like. And my oven. Although if you’re renting, surely the landlord should sort them out as a priority?’
She stood up, handing me the mug. ‘The landlord won’t sort them while I’m two months behind on rent. Joan needed school shoes and trainers. I wanted her to have a phone so she could call me if anything happened while I’m at work. A week later, the old washer broke and I got one of them loans out to replace it, only the second-hand one I bought lasted six washes. Now I have interest I can’t pay, one of my clients refused to pay me for last month’s work because I failed to meet her impossible standards, and another one just fired me for being drunk on the job.’
What?
‘I haven’t drunk a drop since the day I left that scumbag Archer. I was feeling lightheaded and they caught me at the wrong moment.’