Of course, that was a mistake. If the rap hadn’t been enough, the sound of clapping had Irene appearing faster than Nesbit when he heard me open the fridge.
‘Really?’ she barked, checking her watch. ‘Fifty minutes into the first meeting and we’ve turned the library into a burlesque club?’
‘Ooh, burlesque!’ Kyron （or was it Kylo? I’d lost track during the performance） exclaimed, grabbing his brother’s arm. ‘Great idea!’
‘Can I just say, your style is fabulous!’ Probably-Kyle said, making a sweeping gesture from Irene’s head to her square-shoed toes. ‘The whole retro-nerdy look is so on right now. I mean, many have tried but few can pull it off. Is that cardigan actual vintage nineties?’
‘And the brooch!’ Possibly-Kylo gushed. ‘I would offer to buy it off you, except it would be a crime to separate it from that blouse.’
‘Um, what is happening here?’ Irene stammered, clutching at the brooch, which was shaped like a swan with green gems for eyes.
‘It’s the Wednesday Business Builders, being Frea-Kayed out! Kyle, Kyron and Kylo,’ Kyle said, pointing to each of them in turn.
‘You’re joining us, aren’t you?’ Kyron asked. ‘I have so many questions.’
‘I don’t think…’
‘Come on, the seat next to me is free,’ Kyle said, pulling out a chair. ‘One more cappuccino, please, Trev. Hang on a minute, is that a genuine horse-hair belt, Kate?’
Well, the rest of the meeting certainly kept my mind off the looming grandparental reunion. The remaining hour was mostly spent getting to know each other, along with compiling a list of useful topics for further meetings, which wasn’t anywhere near as straightforward as it sounds.
The triplets were polite enough to take a sample of Nomato, promising to share on social media if they liked it. Yasmin was able to find common ground with Kate when it turned out she made biodegradable dog beds, and I found a moment to discreetly speak to the boys about their tattoos. That led to a horribly disturbing internet search to confirm my point, but by the time Kylo had stopped sobbing, the other two had already managed to pick off most of the Ks, which it turned out were only temporary stick-ons due to their needle phobia.
‘No wonder that picture got only fifteen likes,’ Kyron said, clutching his cheeks in dismay.
‘Yeah, and that explains some of the DMs we got afterwards,’ Kyle agreed.
‘Thanks, Ollie. Our first meeting and you’ve already saved our brand!’ Kylo added.
‘And we got to meet Irene,’ Kyle said, before showing her that the pictures they’d steamrollered her into appearing in earlier had already got hundreds of likes and dozens of comments. ‘You’ve got almost as many fans as us already!’
‘We should totally set you up with your own account,’ Kyron squealed.
When I showed Joan after picking her up from the holiday club, #IreneTheLibraryLady already had over a thousand followers.
‘This world is crazy,’ she pronounced. ‘That’s why I prefer books, because they make more sense.’
I eyed her current read, about a gang of chameleon people who go back in time to save the dinosaurs, and was inclined to agree.
That evening we were in for an absolute treat. Ginger, who owned Hatherstone Hall, brought round a three-course dinner that if possible rivalled the one I’d eaten when Sam had gatecrashed my dinner for one.
Joan didn’t agree. ‘That looks weird. And there’s bits of mushroom. I hate mushrooms.’ She peered into each foil container in turn and sniffed. ‘I might try the pudding.’
I stuck some fish fingers in the oven and dashed next door.
‘Yes?’ Ebenezer automatically glanced at my hands, no doubt expecting to find them bearing food.
‘Hi, how are you, Ebenezer?’ I asked, deliberately mentioning his friendly nickname with a smile that dared him to tell me it was none of my business.
‘Been better. Been worse,’ he growled. ‘Did you want something, other than forcing me out of my chair after I’ve spent all afternoon pruning our roses.’
‘Our roses?’
He grunted. ‘The big thorny flowers that climb up the side fence.’
I said nothing. He knew what I meant.
‘I’ve got a three-course dinner from Hatherstone Hall keeping warm in my top oven. Joan is opting for fish fingers and chips.’
‘Sensible of her.’
‘It’s far too nice to eat alone.’