“All of a sudden, as he was gazing at me, he burst into laughter. I thought perhaps he had thought of an interesting anecdote to tell me, or that there was something humorous about my appearance. He had kept his eyes on me the whole time, so I had no reason to believe…” She shook herself and looked up at me. “It must seem so stupid to you, that I am trying to justify myself, when he was the one who erred.”
Her story had won some sympathy from me. “Not at all.”
“So I asked him, ‘Why do you laugh?’ and he jumped to his feet and towered over me. I could see the real rage that he had been hiding, and I was very, very afraid. ‘I was right! You are trying to kill me!’ he shouted. I immediately fell to my knees at his feet and said, ‘I do not know of what you speak. Please, forgive me. I am sorry.’
“I said this over and over again, pleading with him as he seethed, until he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me to my feet. ‘You will be exiled for this,’ he said. ‘I will not kill you only because you are the mother of my children. If only you would extend the same courtesy to me.’ I began crying out of sheer bewilderment and the vain hope that my tears might move him. They did not, but he spoke again. ‘You know if I ever disclose what I hear, I will die. Did you think you could trick me?’
“And finally, I understood. He had trapped me. He was so convinced that I was evil, scheming against him, that he gave me an impossible test just to convince himself he was right. I will never know if he was looking for a reason to exile me, or if this really was some twisted ‘proof.’ But he wanted me gone, and no amount of pleading or begging or promising would change his mind. So, I left.”
I had never liked my father, but hearing of his explicit maliciousness disturbed me deeply. I put down the bite I held in my hand, nauseated.
“I thought about all of you every day,” she added. “But I knew he would take care of you. My staying would have only stained you by proximity.”
“I am so sorry,” I said at last. For what else could I say? There had been no other option for my mother, as I well knew. She had been without support in my father’s court, without friends to rely on. How lonely that must have been.
“Why would you be sorry?” My mother folded her hands and looked right at me. “None of this was your fault, or Yudhajit’s, or the rest of your brothers’。 Do you understand? The fault is with your father for sending me away and myself for not fighting for you. I have learned my lesson, and the gods have brought you back to me.”
“Yes, they have.” I pushed my plate away from me, signaling to the servants that I was done.
My mother ran her hand over my shoulder and down my arm to my hand. To say I did not enjoy it would have been a lie, but I felt ashamed of my enjoyment all the same. In a strange way, it felt like a betrayal of Manthara, who had filled my mother’s role all these years.
“Thank you,” my mother whispered. “Thank you for coming here. Thank you for listening to my story. That is all I have wished for these past years. For my children to listen, and to understand.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
RAVANA ARRIVED IN THE city without pomp or ceremony, and we presented ourselves to him the next day. We had no time to waste on formal invitations.
“Kaikeyi, it is good to see you,” he said, bowing his head. “I hoped you would come. I wish to apologize for my behavior when last we met.”
“It is I who should apologize. I should not have invaded your rooms in that way.”
“You acted as a friend should, and I turned on you. That was inappropriate. Please, let us not argue anymore.” He indicated a divan set before an open glass window overlooking a verdant garden. “Sit. We have more pressing matters to discuss.”
“The asura.” I had ventured through the city the day before and heard the whispers of Janasthana’s people. They spoke of swarms of imps, unnatural and vicious animals. They spoke of fields burned overnight. The women spoke of a demonic presence that invaded their minds even inside the city, insidious and whispering. It was like tales of the asuras of long ago, who scorched the earth with their campaigns against the gods.
“So you believe him an asura too. The truth is, we know very little. When I was traveling to the swayamvara, I stopped in Janasthana, for I was curious about the city. I have long admired the people of this area and thought to meet with the king and convince him we might achieve greatness together. But instead, the residents were fearful, talking of bad omens and portents, and Raja Danda was refusing all visitors.