Yudhajit put an arm around my shoulders, and we stood together in silence. Even Bharata managed to stay still as we kept vigil. Raja Ashwapati’s breaths rattled in his throat, so slowly they encompassed five or six of mine at a time, until at last, his chest rose no more.
Ashvin checked once again for the beat of his blood but found none.
Yudhajit placed his hand over our father’s eyes and said a short prayer, and so my father died.
I am not ashamed to say that my father’s death had little impact on me. He was old, and there was no love between us. But watching him die took a toll on all of us, dimming our lives by a fraction. Our little party ate a subdued meal in Yudhajit’s private rooms, and afterward I went straight to bed, changing into a shift and lying down alone. I stared at the ceiling for over an hour, unable even to close my eyes, lest strange and frightening nightmares carry me away.
Then a knock sounded on my door. Not just any knock, but a pattern. Three beats, with an emphasis on the third.
He rapped it again, a bit louder this time, probably intending to wake me. I slipped out of bed and tapped out my corresponding signal. A soft laugh came from beyond, and I opened the door, letting Yudhajit in.
“What is it?” I asked.
He reached out to hug me, holding me tight. “Nothing. I missed you.”
“You came to my room because you missed me?” I led him back to the bed and sat on it, cross-legged. After a moment of hesitation, he joined me there.
“Obviously not.”
“Then? Out with it.” I poked him in the side.
He scratched the back of his neck and looked past me toward the wall, and our blue bond jumped. I braced myself for bad news. “I wrote in my letter that we had much to discuss,” he said at last.
“Yes,” I agreed. “And we do have much to discuss. I have news for you as well.” I wanted to tell him about our mother. It might anger him to know that she had a new family, a new life without us, but he deserved the chance to go see her, or send for her.
“Well, let me tell you what I wish to discuss first. Do you remember Dasharath’s promise? The one you extracted before you agreed to marry him?”
I nodded. “Of course. I made him swear that my son, were I to have one, would be heir to the throne. But things changed. I released him from that oath.”
“It was not yours to release,” Yudhajit said gently. “Raja Dasharath swore that oath to our father, not you, for our father was the one to give you away in marriage.”
His words came to me as if from a great distance, and I struggled to understand them.
If I could have believed that the gods took a special interest in my life, I would have thought they were the reason for my misfortune. What other reason could there be that over and over again my family brought me this strife? How could he be saying this to me now, after all that had happened?
“Father is dead,” I said carefully, “so that no longer matters.”
“News reached us of Rama’s impending coronation.” Yudhajit looked down at his lap, oblivious to my pain. “Father heard of it and grew very angry. He made me promise that I would ensure Bharata took the throne. I made a vow. To the gods.”
And it seemed once again, my wishes held no weight. It was almost incomprehensible that my desires should matter so little, and yet I was ashamed at my surprise. Had I really believed that things had changed? Years and years of work, to have a voice, to be respected, but my brother would still honor the words of men over my will.
“Why would you promise such a thing?” I asked, tugging at the sheets in agitation.
“It makes a mockery of our kingdom to let such an important oath be broken so publicly and easily. I cannot let that stand.”
“Look at me,” I instructed him. He slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. “Kosala is not your kingdom. This has nothing to do with you.”
“Kaikeyi, the appropriate response for such flagrant oath breaking is war.” An overwhelming sorrow permeated our bond. Was it from Ashwapati’s death, I wondered, or the fact that he was threatening his sister’s kingdom?
“I can try to ensure that Dasharath holds the throne for several more years,” I offered instead. “I have his ear and his confidence. Would that give you the time you needed to calm the court?” I had not tried approaching Dasharath directly, because Rama’s hold over him was so strong and I had not wished to compromise our own bond. But it was worth the risk to try to stop this madness, and such a delay would be good for Kosala too.