Finally, he turned to me. “Where did you learn to drive like that?” he asked.
“My brother Yudhajit,” I said, averting my eyes in a poor facsimile of humility. Our golden cord had fully calmed, so I knew there was little danger of it breaking. “When I was a child, he included me in his games and lessons. I apologize if I have caused you any offense.”
“Offense?” Dasharath closed his eyes. “You drive better than my own charioteer.”
“Thank you,” I said demurely, hoping my triumphant pleasure was not evident in my face.
“You were looking to replace him,” said the Master of Horses. “I think you have found your match.” He walked out toward the chariot and began unhooking the team, as if the discussion had already ended.
“My match,” Dasharath repeated, as if pondering the words. And then, “I do not wish to ask you to risk your life for me.” I met his eyes, and there was no anger there. “The heat of battle is no place for a woman. You would not be wielding a weapon—the gods forbid that, and we would not disobey them—but it is still dangerous. But Ashwasen is right. You are excellent. Would you be my charioteer?”
“I accept.” I had to force myself to modulate my voice. I did not think my husband would appreciate my shouting with excitement. “Yes. I will gladly stay by your side.” As I said the words, the thread between us thickened into a chain of metal, and the smile that crept onto my face was entirely genuine.
The following evenings, Ashwasen had me put through my paces, conscripting other soldiers on horseback so I might practice formations. The men all respected Dasharath so deeply that if they were surprised at their raja’s decision, they did not show it or question it. They approached the task with discipline and rigidity.
Despite the rigors of the tiring practice, on the appointed day of battle I woke before Dasharath—before even Asha lifted the flap of my tent. She had somehow managed to procure a set of men’s breeches and armor, and we had spent the past two days furiously fitting them to my body.
I slipped them on and beamed. I could finally move comfortably.
When I had made the request, I worried that my bond with her would fray from my unladylike conduct. Instead, it had grown stronger.
“You look excellent, my lady,” she said now. “It suits you.”
“It suits me?” I repeated. Sumitra had said something quite similar just a week ago. Was Asha mocking me as well? Had I judged her too highly? But when I checked the Binding Plane, I found no evidence of the cloudiness of deceit that I had come to recognize on some cords.
“I only meant you wear it well. Not that you are suited to men’s clothing. My apologies. You look excellent in anything.” Her voice and face painted a picture of perfect sincerity.
“You have done a masterful job on this in such a short time,” I said by way of apology. “Perhaps when we return to Ayodhya you might create a similar suit for me, in a more feminine material? They can be my riding clothes.”
“You would wear breeches in the city?” Asha looked me up and down, and I tried not to show any traces of self-consciousness.
“I would wear breeches that look to others like normal women’s clothing. If you are up to such a task.”
Asha was missing a front tooth and unafraid to show it in her smile. “Very well, my lady. Survive the battle and I will make you breeches.”
“Sambarasura is a minor warlord,” I scoffed. “I am not afraid of him.”
In truth, he was more than that. He had carved a small kingdom for himself, which took willpower and steel at the very least. But there was no room for me to let fear in here.
She shook her head. “Do not underestimate him, my lady. I have heard he is a formidable warrior.” She bent her head. “Lord Vishnu, please protect Radnyi Kaikeyi and Raja Dasharath and the armies of Kosala. Allow the righteous to prevail.”
I gazed at her bent head. Would prayers made for me fall into the same empty void as prayers made by me? Only Manthara had ever mentioned praying for me, so I had no way of knowing. But I appreciated Asha’s sentiment all the same.
I had heard that the gods of war had long favored Kosala, allowing them to emerge victorious in battle after battle, ensuring the kingdom was the largest in the land. My presence could not change that. I hoped.
The sun had not yet risen, but by now the men were stirring in the camp. I made my way to where the Master of Horses waited for me. I spoke to each of the animals in turn, stroking their manes. Being with them, working with my hands and doing something useful, calmed my fraying nerves.