My temper was fraying quickly. I slipped instinctively into the Binding Plane, but there was nothing between us. I needed to goad him into saying something he would regret, something I could use to get him dismissed and end this foolishness. “And they will not learn it from me? Is that what you’re implying?”
Vamadeva quirked his lips as though I had said something funny. “I have no problem with you. But this world is awash with immorality, and I do not see you stepping up to stop it.”
I was appalled that this loathsome man had been teaching my sons for so long, that I had not sought to speak to him before. But this was enough. I could tell Dasharath, quite truthfully, that he had disrespected me. “I see. Well, thank you for speaking with me,” I said.
I did not wait to hear his response, but swept from the room without a backward glance.
As I had thought, Dasharath proved easy enough to convince. I had first come to him with implications that I had heard secondhand from Rama, but now—
“And he did not even call you radnyi?” he confirmed.
“Why would he do that, when he plainly thought me immoral?” I said. And although I rarely did so anymore, I found the golden bond between us and tugged on it for good measure.
Dasharath sighed. “He may be a pious man, but plainly he can no longer serve as a tutor. I will have him dismissed in the morning.”
It was far harder to explain things to Rama. “Sage Vamadeva has left,” he cried.
“I am sorry,” I said, reaching out my hand to him. “I had to send him away.”
Rama did not take my hand, and instead looked at me with suspicion. “You sent him away?”
“Yes. His teachings are not fit for princes of Kosala.”
“But I liked him,” Rama said. “He was an excellent teacher.”
“You have many fine teachers,” I told him. “There was nothing special about this one, I assure you.”
“But he knew,” Rama protested. “He knew I was a god, and he wanted to help me.”
He said it simply, but those words caused my heart to catch in my throat. Rama knew what he was. Rama knew of his godhood and had spoken about it with this sage rather than his own family. “I did not realize you knew who you were,” I said, my voice sounding strangely raspy.
“I have always known something was special about me, that something else is inside of me.” Rama spoke so matter-of-factly, I hardly knew what to say. “Sage Vamadeva taught us that gods come to Bharat to rid it of evil. He was going to prepare me.”
“You don’t need him.” I said the words too quickly, and I hoped he could not sense my jealousy toward a man whom we would never see again. “You will have other teachers. And I am always here to help you.”
Rama did not care for my platitudes. “But I wanted him to help me.” His lower lip trembled. “I don’t understand why you have to do this!” A few fat tears slipped down his cheeks, and he stomped his foot in frustration. Despite my anger at Sage Vamadeva for commanding such a place of prominence in Rama’s life so quickly, I felt bad for my son, who was blameless.
“What he was teaching you was wrong,” I said. “You don’t want to take guidance from someone who does not even understand how the kingdom should work, do you?”
“What did he say that was wrong?”
I considered how best to explain this to Rama. “Kosala is changing. Women like me and your other mothers are doing important work. Some people don’t like that, and he is one of them. You need a more modern tutor.”
“I don’t want someone else,” Rama said softly, and I could tell no explanation would be satisfying to him.
“Oh, Rama,” I said. “Come here.” This time he took my hand and I held him close. I understood in many ways how he was feeling, although I had not realized he was so attached to Sage Vamadeva. I thought briefly of my mother. “Sometimes people we want to stay with us cannot. I am sorry to have done that to you.”
And I was sorry to have caused him pain, even if I knew it was for the best. I had to do what was right for Rama, even if it went against his wishes. But this pain would pass, and I could ease it along. “How about we go to the kitchens, hmm? I am sure we could sneak some sweets before lunch.”
Rama nodded enthusiastically, extricating himself from me. The hurt was already forgotten. He was a god, but he was also just a boy, and I was determined to let him stay one.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
JEALOUS WHORE. THE GREEN-EYED radnyi. I have heard every name people have called me behind my back. Some claim I sent Rama into the forest because I could not bear for Kaushalya to become Queen Mother, because I could not bear for a son I had not carried in my womb to take the throne.