I forced myself to take several deep breaths, and with each moment, calm returned. It was true that Rama was preparing for the responsibility. The visit to the temple had made that clear. And I knew, deep in my heart, that Dasharath’s decision would not hurt Bharata, who did not seem to share this same interest in the burden of rule.
“Very well,” I said, despite my sorrow at the breaking of my husband’s promise and the loss of a future I had long imagined. “I too want what’s best for Kosala.” I released my self-pity as best I could. “The opportunity to train with Sage Vishvamitra is one he must take. You ought to send Lakshmana with him. They are close companions.”
Dasharath did reach for me now, stroking my hand with his thumb. “Thank you, Kaikeyi.” His love for me was clear in his eyes, unchanged despite our bond.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE PALACE FELT EMPTIER without Rama and Lakshmana. For a time, even Bharata and Shatrugna seemed quieter, as though they were lost without their constant companions. But as with all things, we adjusted to their departure, for despite their absence most things in Ayodhya remained much the same.
And then, a year after they had left, rumors about Rama began reaching the city, each more astonishing than the last.
We heard he had brought forth water from a well dried for decades. We heard he had shot a meteor from the sky with a simple wooden bow. And then we heard that Rama had single-handedly slain a rakshasa threatening the ashram. The story spread like wildfire in whispers throughout the palace, and I heard rumors in snatches of conversation.
“The rakshasa was taller than two men, and still the yuvraja faced him—”
“I heard the yuvraja slew it in just one blow—”
“The gods have truly smiled—”
“Do you think it is true?” Dasharath asked me as I sat on the edge of his bed watching him prepare for sleep.
I remembered watching Rama’s presence grow, seeing his godhood within him. “Yes,” I said. “I could believe it.”
“He truly has a gift.” Dasharath’s expression was filled with wonder. “Just imagine what he will do as raja.”
“I hope he will be more sedate by then,” I said. “A king should not risk himself.”
“Are you accusing me of being boring?”
“I did not use the word boring,” I said archly, and he pretended to lunge toward me, even as he laughed.
Less than one moon later, news reached us that Rama and Lakshmana had embarked with Vishvamitra on a journey through several northern kingdoms. The official messenger provided us no other information, but throughout the palace it seemed everyone knew something about our sons.
“My sister lives on the border of Videha, and she said the princes passed through last week, hunting rakshasas,” one serving girl whispered to another in the corridor outside my room. The door wasn’t fully closed, and I stood on the other side of it, fear freezing me in place. “Some sort of beast has been slaughtering their cows, and when the yuvraja heard, he went toward the mountains in pursuit.”
“He’s so brave,” the other girl said, a hushed awe tinging her voice. “We are fortunate indeed.”
They moved down the hall and away from my perception. They are just rumors, I told myself. And I might have believed it, if the very next day Kaushalya hadn’t told us her distant cousin sent her a missive repeating the same story.
“Why is he putting himself in such danger?” I asked, my heart in my throat. Our children were so far away, so far from our protection.
“He is gods-touched,” Sumitra said, her voice bright. Confident. “And he is sharing his blessing.”
I could hardly breathe, living with the fear day in and day out. Sometimes it would lie dormant, half-forgotten, but never for long, for the whole city was consumed with stories about Rama, each more far-fetched than the last. He had ridden on a white elephant. He had healed all the sick of a village. He had defeated a six-armed asura with one perfect shot to the heart.
Only when a messenger came to us directly from Rama and Lakshmana to tell us that they were safe did the knot in my chest loosen. They wrote that they had indeed tracked down and slain two rakshasas in combat, an incredible feat, and were now safe in a small city. I could scarcely comprehend how my two boys had done such a thing. I thought of them fighting their father with wooden swords, thinking only of fun and games. But they were grown now, and knowing they were safe was a gift.
The next day, Dasharath summoned us to his rooms.