“Ishani, Gabriela, Anna, and Yuang, you will perform the ‘Dance of the Little Swans.’？”
I glance at Audrey and can practically see her shoulders melting. I try to tell myself that it’s okay if I’m just a swan. That I’m unlikely to be one of the names on the list. I already managed to be accepted into this extremely competitive program. Then, I impressed Monsieur Dabrowski enough to be moved up to the next level. It should be enough.
Monsieur Dabrowski lists a few more roles: Rothbart, the Queen. Some of them will have gone to students in level four, too. Just as I’m waiting to hear my fate, I know Lucy and Anouk are crossing their fingers, too.
Finally, our ma?tre clears his throat. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. “And for our Princess, our graceful and delicate White Swan, I have chosen…”
I hold my breath. In fact, the entire room stops breathing. I remind myself that whatever happens next has already been decided.
“…Audrey Chapman.”
Someone just slapped me really hard across the face. At least that’s how it feels. It has suddenly turned hot, and I can hear my heart hammering in my ears. I hadn’t realized until this moment just how much I wanted it to be me. You can try to manage your expectations and remind yourself that you’re competing against a dozen other girls, all very talented, all as eager as you are. You know your odds are very low. It’s simple math. And numbers don’t care for feelings, for all the hopes, irrational as they may be, that you put into something. But still, the fact that it’s Audrey feels like a personal blow.
When her name is announced, Audrey grins widely. A few seconds later, she snaps back to her usual composed self. “Thank you,” she says to Monsieur Dabrowski. I would probably have jumped up and given him a hug. That’s why Audrey gets the lead role and I don’t: she’s the master of her emotions.
For the rest of us, it’s like the tension has been switched off. Life can go on now that we know where we stand. A few students make a move to get up, but Monsieur Dabrowski frowns at them. “A moment, please,” he says. “Have you forgotten about the Black Swan?”
Audrey grimaces. As is the case in most productions, she’d assumed that she was getting the part of Odile, too. She takes a deep breath, and then asks the question that’s on all our lips. “Won’t I be the Black Swan?”
Monsieur Dabrowski smiles politely. “You could. And you would do a splendid job.” Audrey smiles and looks around to make sure we all heard him. “But,” our instructor continues, “this program should offer opportunities to as many students as possible. That is why you’re here, isn’t it?”
A few of us nod, but you could hear a pin drop.
“So, the role of Odile, the seductive, deceiving Black Swan, will be danced by Mia Jenrow.”
My eyes pop wide open. For a split second I wonder if I’m imagining it, if I only heard my name because I wanted to. But a couple of the girls smile at me, while a few others can’t even look me in the eyes.
Of course, the White Swan is the role I’ve been pining for all along. She’s the star of the show, the one everyone came to see. But the Black Swan? She’s the underdog. She comes out of nowhere to disrupt the peace and immediately commands everyone’s attention. She brings darkness to the stage and steals the spotlight. No one wants her to win, and no one expects her to. Yet, she’s the only swan left standing at the end.
This is a chance to step out of my comfort zone, to show off my skills, a real opportunity to shine in front of ABT. I didn’t get what I wanted. I got something even better.
I CAN’T COME down from my beautiful black cloud. I’m going to be performing one of the most technically challenging roles in front of the apprentice program directors of the best ballet companies in the world. They will come to watch my performance, and then possibly change my life forever. Max, the student teacher, spent a few hours with Audrey, Fernando, and me yesterday afternoon to set the pieces, meaning that he taught us the choreography so we can begin practicing on our own before rehearsals with Monsieur Dabrowski. I kept looking for a sign in Max’s behavior that he knew about my escapade with his best friend, but I didn’t see any.
Now that I’m back at school, I can’t stop thinking about what would happen if anyone here found out about our little trip. Maybe that’s why Louis pulled away from the group at the museum; he understood before I did how bad it would make me look if people knew that I’m sort of seeing my teacher’s son. At least the pressure of dancing Odile hasn’t fully hit me yet. I’m too deliriously happy to think about the many hurdles that lie ahead.